Sure, I’ll Talk About Amendment One in NC

But only because I’m a former resident.

I think you all know how I felt about my time in Wilmington, North Carolina.  I enjoyed certain parts of it, but when it came down to brass tracks, I always wanted to go home to the north coast, to Ohio.

I was continuously yelled at and reprimanded for my views, for the men that I dated, for the way I asked about the gender of an unborn child.  My views on sunscreen and the word gypped pissed people off.  Wilmington, North Carolina was a little too willy-nilly for me…and it’s apparently one of the more liberal towns.  Yet everything I said was judged and taken to be offensive, when it reality I think more tolerance could have been practiced.

I’m told that I’d love the western part of the state…which is where I think the majority of the 60% that turned down gay marriage live.  Perhaps I would like some parts of western NC, but I belong in the North.

Sure, I’ll lose some followers when I say this, but I think it’s worth being said.  While I am conservative in many aspects of my life (government, money, etc.), I am much more liberal in the social aspect of things.  And while I may not be way off to the left socially, I do believe that we need to loosen up.

So when Amendment One passed in North Carolina yesterday, I can honestly say I felt some sadness.  I knew plenty of gay and lesbian couples when I lived there.  And while I refuse to get preachy and talk about rights, I will say that I have no problem with the civil union of gay and lesbian couples.  Now, I will also say this–I was raised a Catholic…and I am a conservative…and I AM from Ohio.  It would be dishonest of me to not say that the thought of church weddings in this respect does make me a little antsy.  But gay marriage in general does not.

My friend Daniel married his partner of 15 years on May 8th, 2012 in Washington, DC.  It wasn’t a destination wedding for fun–it was a destination wedding born out of necessity.  And that kinda sucks.

I’m very happy for Daniel and Ben, and for any couple that can unite in love legally.  Someday there will be tolerance.  I believe that whole-heartedly.

 

A Mapper’s Wedding Ring

About three times I week, I lose myself in internet fancy and start staring at big-stoned wedding rings.   I rarely look at men’s rings because frankly, they’re not so exciting.  But I found this one today:

For those of you who may not know me, my boyfriend is a mapper.  Not the Christopher Columbus, track the stars, wear stockings and a three-pointed hat kind of mapper, but rather a real-life one that actually makes maps of Pennsylvania and loves the land.

Which is why he needs to marry me ASAP so I can buy him this ring!  Whatdya say, Mike?

 

I. Met. David. Tutera!

Oh. My. God.  Yes, that’s David Tutera.  WITH ME.

Mom and I got to meet him on Monday at about 10:30 a.m.  I gave him a hug.  We talked for about 10 minutes, during which I told him that I wanted him to be my “something blue” on my wedding day and handed him a bridal handkerchief with a blue bow on it.

David said, “Can I sign it?!”  OF COURSE YOU CAN!

So now, when I get married, even though I may not be able to get David Tutera to plan my wedding, I will have a little piece of his pizzazz and style with me as my something blue.  I am so excited!  I’ll post pictures of the handkerchief later, but for now…  DUN DUN DUN!

I just really want to thank Kort, Chris, Phyllis, Jeannie, Mary Kay, and anyone else who was involved with making this happen.  I’m so lucky to have gotten to meet him.  ***SQUEAL***

 

 

I’m Going to Meet DAVID TUTERA

It’s freaking true!!!  I am going to meet celebrity wedding planner DAVID TUTERA!

That man.  Oh that man!  He’ll be in Ohio soon, and I am going to meet him thanks to my wonderful friends.  Details and a post after!

 

“A Good Wife Always Knows Her Place” Hell, even I don’t believe that.

My friend Greg sent me this yesterday.  You can click it to see it a little bit bigger.

Click to see the larger version

Now, I’m sure you all know that I long for some sort of return to the 1950′s housewife…but in order for you to see (ahem, Jarvis) that I am somewhat level-headed about gender roles, women’s rights, and all that bullshit, I will say this:

About 1/4 of the things on this list are CRAP.

• For instance:  Eliminating all noise?  Pfff.  A noisy house is a happy house.  It’s kind of on par with what Roseanne says in her sitcom when someone walks into her house:  ”Excuse the mess, but we live here.”  Damn straight.
• Second instance of crap:  ”Listen to him.  You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first–remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.”  HA HA HA.  My ass.
• Third instance:  ”Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.”  Ha.  Yeah, that’s how you enable him to cheat.  Letting him go out without question.
• Fourth crappier instance:  ”Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.  Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.”  He’s not a child–he’s a man.  And although there’s a fine line between the two, he can take off his own damn shoes.
• CRAPPIEST instance:  ”You have no right to question him.”  My ass.  I do, so.

So you can all shut up about me single-handedly setting us women back to the 1950′s.  I only wanna go 3/4 of the way back.

 

Why are the longest workdays…

the ones before haircuts?

I’m going tonight to get my hair done.  And I don’t know why, but it’s always such a big decision–even if I don’t get much done!  Any of you other women get extremely anxious when you have to decide what to do with your hair?

This chick kinda looks like I did when I was a wee one.

I kinda want to do something different.  I kind of don’t.

I really liked it short the last time I cut it, but part of me wants to start growing my hair.

This is where it gets different…MIKE, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, QUIT READING NOW!

Really, go away.

Mike, leave.

Are you gone?

Ok.

I’d grow my hair out…no questions asked…if I knew that I was going to be getting married soon.  I want to be able to put my hair up.  But as that is not happening in the near future, I feel like I should cherish my time with my short hair.  PLUS, my hair looks kinda creepy and scraggly when it’s long, especially without a professional to do it for me every day.  Ugh.  What to do!

 

Should A Woman Take Her Husband’s Last Name?

Yes.  Duh.

Alright–I’ve seen it too much.  I finally have to speak up.  Ladies, why are you putting up such a fight to keep your own last name?  I don’t get it!  When you get married, it’s not like changing your last name to match your husband’s is a “bow down” to him.  It’s not like you’re losing your own personal identity.

Here’s my reasoning as to why women should take their husband’s last name:

1)  It unites you two as a family.  How often have you heard someone’s full name, like, “Oh hey, aren’t you Bob Miller?”  And thought, “Bob Miller, I wonder if he’s Kathryn Miller’s husband…”  (I don’t know a Bob or a Kathryn Miller–all completely made up).  What’s wrong with being identified as a man’s wife?  Not a damn thing!

2)  It keeps it easy on the kids.  Which last name do you give your kid then?  Hm?  Little Johnny goes to school and says, “My mommy and daddy have different last names, and mine’s got a hyphen in it.”

3)  Hyphenating is kind of ridonkulous.  Okay, so Kate Smith marries Joe Miller, and she becomes Kate Smith-Miller, and her children are Smith-Millers.  Judy Smith-Miller, their oldest daughter, falls in love with the dude who grew up down the road from him, who had a similar naming arrangement and whose name is Kyle Chandler-Bing.  So if they follow the rules of their parents, when they get married, Judy becomes Judy Smith-Miller-Chandler-Bing.  Do you see where I’m going with this?  A name could go on for decades!

4)  And just because back in the day, taking your husband’s name meant you were his subordinate does not mean that it’s true today.  It’s just tradition.  So shut up.

5)  Not to mention that it makes it really difficult for people to retrace their ancestry.  REALLY difficult.

P.S.  To men taking their wives’ names…I’m not even opening that can of worms.  I will just ask you to stop it.

 

Moments Men are Allowed Expression of Total Vulnerability

I know.  Half of you are up in arms with my title already.  Who am I decide this, right?  Well it’s my blog, so I’M DECIDING TODAY!

You all know how big I am on gender roles.  I think it’s way more okay for women to cry on a regular basis than it is for men.  We are, after all, the emotional sex.  (YEAH, I said it.)  But I’m not disagreeing that women can be stronger than hell.  I mean, physically (lifting cars off of children) and emotionally (holding a family together in hard times, taking the brunt of the work, rarely getting thanked for it), and often mentally (8 soccer practices to remember and a career to balance with a home life and raising babies and all of that).  Women have a lot going on!

And so do men, I’m sure.  But men (according to me on my perch over here) have less of a right to be emotional.  And I think they just are less emotional in general.  I mean, seriously–guys don’t watch The Notebook and think, “Gosh, if I could only have a girl like Allie.”  Nope.  They’re thinking, “Damn, I wanna bang a chick walking up the stairs like Noah did.”

I think we can all agree that our brains/genetic make-up/hearts are different.

I know it makes me a bitch, but when men get over-emotional for no reason, I kind of secretly (not so secretly
anymore) deduct man points from them.  It’s like, “You’re a man, dude.  Hold it together.”  I like Marlboro Men, Old Spice Men, Men like Achilles in Troy.

But there are instances when men should be allowed to express complete vulnerability, emotion, sadness, whatever.  They’re allowed to break down.  So when is this acceptable?

1. When they’re alone.  Always.

But in front of others?

1. When they’re at a funeral.  Death is always worth crying for.
2. When they propose (this is one of the most pivotal points in a man’s life.  He’s bound to shed a tear or be nervous).
3. When they get married.
4. When their children are born.
5. When their wives or children are suffering.
6. When they feel inadequate.
7. When they’re in immense pain.

Well, that’s 8.  And the proposal and marriage (should) only happen once in a lifetime.  So that leaves 5 situations that could happen more than once.  If one of these situations is not happening, men should be acting like men:  crawling out from under trucks they just fixed, lugging timber across the yard to heat the house, holding doors open for women, carrying the heavier box, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Happy Friday!

 

Engagement Etiquette: The Ring

The Ring.  THE ring.  THE RING!  This is a pretty darn important part of the whole engagement thing that I started discussing yesterday.  Trust me.  How important?  Well, not to scare you guys, but pretty damn important.  And just to be clear early on (I’ve found a few men who didn’t know this) you have to buy TWO rings, guys.  The engagement ring is the one with the big stone (the one that really matters) and the wedding band is the one you give her at the wedding.  So start saving.

First things first.  Surprise, or no surprise?

1)  If you’re going the surprise route. You don’t NEED to know her ring size, although there are plenty of sneaky ways to figure that out (watch her try on fashion rings in a jewelry store, have all her fingers measured just because, ring that does fit that finger and then take it to the jeweler so they can tell you what size it is).  You can give her a ring that doesn’t necessarily fit and she can have it resized after the proposal.  Most insurance policies on rings allow for lifetime resizing, so it’ll be included in the price.  AND YES, YOU DO NEED THE INSURANCE.

2)  If you’re not going the surprise route, you can ask her for her ring size.  And about all of the stuff below.  No big deal.

Ring Style

There are a few ways you can determine your lady’s ring style.  First, just look at the jewelry she already owns.  You’ll want to pay attention to the following trends:

Metal:  Is it consistently yellow gold?  White gold?  Platinum?  PAY ATTENTION!

Jewel cut:  Most women are drawn to a certain shape of a diamond.  There are round ones, square ones (Princess cut) and a whole slew of other shapes.  If you see one showing up more than others, chances are that it’s her favorite.

General Trends:  Are the stones held up by prongs?  Or set into the metal?  Does she have bold jewelry with one-3 stones?  Or does she like ornate jewelry with many little stones complimenting the main stone?  Are there more small stones?  Or does she like big flashy rocks?  You’ll notice things that you’ll see repeated in a jewelry store.  Promise.

The 4 C’s (or 5…or 6)

Generally, there are 4 C’s you should pay attention to in diamond buying. Cut, Carat, Color, and Clarity.  But there are also two other C’s:  Certification and Cost.

Ready for this?

Courtesy of Blue Nile

Cut:  We’ve already gone over this. See above picture in terms of shape.  But there’s also another version of cut.  The way the diamond is cut determines the amount of light that goes through it, and in turn, the amount of sparkle.

Carat:  Contrary to what men want to think, THIS IS IMPORTANT.  I know many women who don’t care about diamond size.  You could give them a rubber band and they’d be happy.  But this is something they’re going to have to wear the rest of their lives (if you do it right) and something that everyone is going to look at.  You’ll want to be proud of the ring you buy.

This also has an effect on the type of ring you’re buying.  If your lady likes more than one stone, then chances are the stones will be smaller.  If she wants one stone (a solitaire), you’ll probably end up buying a bigger stone as it is the only focus of the ring.  Ask her if size is important (wink wink) and see what she says.  It’s also about what will look good on her hand.

Courtesy of Blue Nile

Color:  Yes, diamonds do have colors.  And I’m not talking about brown or black diamonds.  I’m talking about white diamonds.  They’re graded on a scale of D-Z.  The closer to the beginning of the alphabet, the less color they have and the more valuable they are.

Clarity:  This is insanely important.  Diamonds are rocks.  It’s important to remember that.  And not all diamonds are completely clear inside.  So it’s important to look at the grade of a diamond.  Here’s another chart.

Courtesy of Blue Nile

FL, IF - Flawless, Internally Flawless: No internal or external imperfections. Internally Flawless: No internal imperfections. Very rare.

VVS1, VVS2 – Very, Very Slightly Included: Very difficult to see imperfections under 10x magnification. An excellent quality diamond.

VS1, VS2 - Very Slightly Included: Imperfections are not typically visible to the unaided eye. Less expensive than the VVS1 or VVS2 grades.

SI1, SI2 - Slightly Included: Imperfections are visible under 10x magnification, and may be visible with the unaided eye. A good diamond value.

I1, I2, I3 - Included: Blue Nile does not carry diamonds of I-grade clarity.

Certification:  According to the DiamondChatForum.com, “A Diamond Certificate can be defined as a statement, issued by an independent Gemological Laboratory, that at the time of evaluation, the Diamond in question has been examined by experienced Diamond Graders, using various gemological instruments, and determined to contain the characteristics as stated in the Certificate. While discussing the various elements contained in the certificate, it is important to state which gemological instruments were used to evaluate the specific diamonds under discussion. Evaluation of a diamond is important because minute, microscopic inclusions, of a Diamond can have a major influence on the price. ”  Your call on this one.

Cost:  This is probably the one that matters most to you men.  The better the quality, the more the cost.  It’s important to think about what’s most important to you and your future wife.  If it’s the size of the diamond, you may compromise the color and clarity.  If it’s the value of the diamond, you may compromise size.  That’s your call, too.  :-)

In the end, don’t be a cheap ass.  She is going to dedicate her life to you.  Show her you love her by giving her something she loves.

IMPORTANT:  Ladies, considering that in giving an engagement ring, men give us a pretty pricey gift, I think it is our DUTY to buy them a hella nice wedding present.  Think big screen TV, or weight bench.  Or a gun safe.  :-)  You can keep your fancy ring in there.

Tomorrow, PROPOSALS!

 

Engagement Etiquette for Him and for Her

I just got really excited.  Not because I’m getting engaged (I’m not) and not because I know someone else who is (I don’t), but because the whole idea of engagements and marriage just makes me giddy as hell.

SO I was thinking, “What kinda theme could I do that would fit into my idea of gender roles, domesticity, and still help out men and women alike?”  AN ENGAGEMENT RING GUIDE!  Hell, an entire ENGAGEMENT GUIDE!  So this week, it’ll be about engagement, engagement rings, proposals, and all that stuff in between.

And what better person to do it than a person who’s never been engaged, right?  Oh shut up.  It’s for fun.  Also, I am only writing these rules to apply to heterosexual couples composed of a man and a woman.  This is your disclaimer,  so shut up or quit reading.

I’m going to break this down into points that apply to both the man and woman, specific advice for the woman, and specific advice for the man.

Ready?

For Men and Women:
Talk about your future with each other:  If you think your relationship is heading toward the big M, then you should talk to each other about it.  You don’t have to plan/decide everything immediately, but it’s the perfect time to start seeing if you you both think that marriage is something you’d like to do, and what it means to you.  what about kids (and the # of them) and pets?  Where would you like to live?  What do you expect out of life?

For Men:
Don’t get all hibbity jibbity every time someone mentions marriage or engagements to you.  Don’t act like your bachelor days are so glorious.  And if you do truly enjoy being a bachelor, then make it known to women you play around with that you’re not interested in marriage.  It’ll save you a ton of trouble in the end.

If you do see yourself getting married, talk openly about it, and your expectations.  Don’t go overboard with excitement, though.  It makes you seem insanely girly and your lady will wonder why you’re so gung-ho about it.  Mostly, she’ll think, “Okay, he seemed great…but if he’s this excited about the idea of getting married, maybe he’s trying to pin me down.  Or he wants me to commit to him before I find out why all the other women left him.”  So do yourself a favor and show calm, genuine interest.

Also, it is YOUR duty to ask her father or guardian if you are allowed to marry her.  Don’t just take for granted that he’ll say yes.  He’ll respect you for coming to him man to man and talking it out.  It shows him that you’ll truly be responsible and take care of his daughter.  So build a relationship with your girlfriend’s dad if you see your relationship heading toward marriage.  That way that take isn’t so intimidating.

For Women:
Alright–I know you’ve been dreaming of this day since you were two.  Don’t act like a pre-bridezilla, but also express to the man you’re dating that you are interested in marriage.  Talk openly about what it means to you and what you want out of it.

Also, bust off your bras and get ready to burn them, feminists.  I don’t ever EVER think a woman should ask a man to marry her.  EVER.  Let him do it.  It’s a guy thing.

Hint around (not too obviously) that you’re okay with the idea of him proposing.  Saying things like, “I couldn’t imagine life without you” will be good indicators that give your guy the go-ahead.  But don’t rush him.

And don’t get ahead of yourself planning all the particulars if you think it’s coming.  It’ll just push it off longer.

Tomorrow, how to talk about engagement rings.