Okay I Give Up…

19 Jan

How the heck do you make friends once you’re out of college!?

Think about this:

In college, you were forced into dorms, common eating areas, classes.  It was easy to find people like you.

But now, out of college…shit got weird.  In Franklin, Mike and I had no real “friends” besides his Deputy friend who came over occasionally, and this super creepy guy named George who was obsessed with getting Mike to kayak down the Allegheny with him.  People at the bars already had their cliques.  People at restaurants don’t talk.  People at Sheetz were stoned.

And now that I’m in Brunswick, I’m running into the same problem…only solo.

I do believe I’ve made friends at work, but at the end of the day, they go home to their families, eat dinner with their spouses, tuck their children into bed. I’m not there yet. So this leaves little room for, “Hey, let’s go get a beer after work.”

Last night I went and read COOP at Starbucks for just under two hours.  One person between the ages of 16 and 50 walked in.  Everyone else was, well, a child or a mature mature adult. Perhaps another coffee house is the answer?  I’ve located one.  I intend on going there next week.

But I’ve thought of other places–and reasons not to try them.  Here’s the list:

Bars: Okay, I love to drink as much as the next lush…but when you’re a 25-year-old girl walking into a bar by yourself, call me old-fashioned but I think you’re asking for trouble.  That is not to say that it isn’t okay to go sit at a bar like, say, Applebee’s or Chili’s, as the restaurant atmosphere is much less threatening.  Plus, I’m just not sure how Mike would feel about it.

The Gym: First off, I DO NOT like to work out in front of people.  I pretty much just won’t do it.  I have no problem walking/running on the streets…but the people that see me are momentary.  I pass their house.  They pass me in a car.  Then it’s over.  End of transaction.  Not so with the gym.  You’re stuck on a track running in circles, in a class where someone is staring at your ass every time you bend over, or on an elliptical machine or the like where all can see you bounce.  No thanks.  And I don’t want to meet friends at the gym because I don’t want the basis of our relationship to be, “Yeah, let’s get sweaty together.”

Social Events: This would work…but it is winter.  And there are none.  I will reserve it for the spring.

And that’s it…I have no other ideas.  I follow folks on Twitter from around the area.  Perhaps there’s something in that.

A book club?

SERIOUSLY.  Where are you 20-somethings?!?!


Posted by on January 19, 2011 in Daily Happenings


Tags: ,

18 responses to “Okay I Give Up…

  1. Becca

    January 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    I wish I had the answer Erica! I live in the middle of nowhere North Carolina and have the same issues. I have my husband here, which is certainly a bonus…. but we’re still struggling to get connected. Besides, who want to hang out with married people?

    • erica42285

      January 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

      I would! As long as they didn’t have to make it home in time to take care of kids and whatnot. 🙂 Miss ya!

  2. Danielle

    January 19, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Totally feel you, except I fall into the “married and have to make it home to tuck kid into bed” category! It’s so hard. Especially when I don’t really care for my husband’s friends and significant others. If you figure it out, please share!

  3. Erin Seabolt Bond

    January 19, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Salsa dancing? I don’t know. Work doesn’t do a good job of providing friends, unless you work at a job with a lot of people in your demographic. We’ve always relied on church groups for friends, and people who stayed around after the MFA (though I have been very bad at keeping in touch since graduation). I realized that toward the end of 2010, Jesse and I got really insular and didn’t see much of our friends. We’re going to try and be better this year…

    A fried of mine moved to California after graduation and struggled for a while to find friends, but she ended up getting involved in lots of things (charities, biking, and Flamenco dancing, of all things–helps to be in California, I suppose) and she has since created a nice community out there. I’m sure the same will happen with you. You’re so friendly and easy to be around. You’ll naturally attract people you can be friends with; it just might take some time.

    • erica42285

      January 19, 2011 at 10:00 pm

      Oh Erin–I don’t know how you do it, but you always make me feel better.

      I appreciate it. And I am starting to put myself out there. Warmer weather brings more events, and who knows? Maybe even salsa dancing! Or just chips and salsa and margaritas at a local Mexican joint. 🙂

  4. Seth and Rachel

    January 19, 2011 at 9:50 pm

    Hey! *waving arms* WE’RE OVER HERE! Oh wait, that’s right, all you stupid heads keep moving further and further away or finding more and more excuses to be busy. 😛 Don’t get me started on friends, past, current, or future. Every last one of em sucks.

  5. Seth and Rachel

    January 19, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Oh, and P.S. pet peeve here, but being married or married with kids or just kids or whatever is no excuse. Plan ahead, get a babysitter, get out of the house, whatever.

    Likewise, it isn’t a curse either. Invite married people out for drinks, invite people with kids out. Life doesn’t stop because of a child or a marriage.

    Seriously, think about all the excuses made.. you WONDER why people don’t hang?

    • erica42285

      January 19, 2011 at 9:58 pm

      Hey man. I’ll hang with married, childrened folks. And I intend on hanging if I ever get married or have kids.

      But until it happens, I don’t think there’s any chance of us knowing exactly how much time children and families take. Or how much effort for that matter. I know it’s hard, and I do not resent folks for it. I think they’re doing mighty fine things to keep their priorities straight.

      And as far as excuses–I’m probably guilty of making some. BUT…but, from the response I’ve gotten, it seems that people are pretty on board with the Friendless 20’s.

      That said, I really miss you two! You should start blogging again, for one thing, and we should hang again, soon. Mike and I have been wanting to barhop, and we know that you two are pretty good at it. Perhaps Franklin soon?


      • Erin Seabolt Bond

        January 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm

        As a married-with-no-kids couple, sometimes we find ourselves hanging out more with our single friends (LOVE single friends) than our married-with-babies pals. Something about being responsible for the life of another human being who is also unable to feed, clothe, and clean itself…it just messes with the schedule. For whatever reason.

        But our friends with toddlers tend to be more willing to venture out, and their kids are always welcome whenever we do anything. Hazel, a three-year-old, often provides party entertainment and movie commentary that really can’t be replaced.

        Tangent. Sorry. Married people love to hang with single folks who are cool and fabulous, such as yourself.

  6. Rachael D.

    January 20, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    OMG. We have the same problem. I really was starting to think I was just too much of a bitch and I was running people off. Glad to see you have the same issue.

    • erica42285

      January 21, 2011 at 6:39 am

      Nah, you’re not a bitch. I’ve been accused of being cold and a little vacant these days. It just gets disheartening. Too bad we don’t live closer to each other!

  7. beckygermain

    May 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    This is pretty much exactly how I feel. Except now I’m about to enter the friendless 30s… Take advantage of the no kid thing while you have it and get out there as much as possible. It gets a lot harder when you have them, especially when you don’t live close to family and babysitters don’t come cheaper than $10/hr. It’s pretty difficult to start or maintain a friendship on a once a week or less basis, lol. But do try. I will as well. 🙂


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