So yesterday, I discussed what men should wear from the waist up. But we all know that the waist down is just as important. If you ask me, jeans are by far the sexiest thing a man can wear, but oh there are a multitude of jeans! Thank God for that, because different jeans do different things to a man.
The right pair of jeans can knock any guy up at least 3 points. Here are my picks:
The Carpenter Jeans
Carpenter jeans are for utility, for work, for comfort. They’re the jeans that a man wears when he might be rough neckin‘, or lounging. They’re the all purpose jean. On the right guy, they can they can make a butt look amazing, and with the right shoes (see left), hot darn.
Good ole Jeans
They’re just your regular pair of jeans. They sit low on the waist, they’re a little fitted through the thigh, and they’re loose around the ankles. You know how you guys whine about mom jeans? Well, sometimes you guys can wear dad jeans, and it just ain’t right. So no no no. Good ole, loose, over the shoes jeans.
Them goldang Wranglers! The cowboy, the rodeo man, the chap-wearin’, hat-tossin’, country-singin’ MMM. Now don’t get me wrong–Wranglers can be worn incorrectly, and I’ve been a witness to it. But on a skinny lil country boy, they work.
BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD ANY MAN EVER WEAR THIS:
The Skinny Jean
What the HECK are these? They break every rule! Men, are you trying to make yourselves infertile? SERIOUSLY. Now, I know Wranglers are tight, but if you ever look (and I’m not tellin’ you to go out and stare at Wranglered crotches), but even WRANGLERS have more room in the front than skinny jeans! I’m not kidding you. Are you wearing tights? MEN WEAR JEANS, NOT TIGHTS.
Now, I’m all for men in a pair of good-fitting jeans. And I’ve actually seen men pull off skinny jeans and look okay (YOU, ST. JOHN!). But ya’ll, you aren’t girls. They’re too tight around the ankles, they’re too tight around your scrawny little thighs, and they’re too tight around your everything else. Please, just do the world, and yourself, and your future children a favor, and give up on the skinny jean. Please?