Daily Archives: April 6, 2011

My Least Favorite Parts of the Body

You can quit your perversion right now–this is not a post that will go that direction.  But there are parts of the body that really freak me out.  Parts that I prefer not to look at.  Parts that make me cringe under most circumstances.  This is that list.

Knees- Maybe it’s because of the way they break down as you age.  Maybe it’s the crack they’ve been making lately as I stand up from doing my squats.  Maybe it’s the fact that they’re just freaking ugly.  Really freaking ugly–which could be attributed to the fact that I believe my knees are ‘scrunchy.’  Knees, full of kneecaps and ligaments and if you straighten your legs, sometimes the skin gets sucked in on the sides.  And sometimes your skin scrunches up around your knees, and BLECH.  And the backs of knees are just lumpy and weird.  Not to mention, incredibly hard to shave.

Teeth- Maybe it’s because I just had two root canals.  Maybe it’s because the sound of a drill will send me through the ceiling.  If  I didn’t need teeth to chew, by golly I’d just get rid of ’em.  But they help me chew jerky, and man do I love jerky.  And I guess biting an apple wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying, not to mention wouldn’t be nearly as possible.  Here’s the thing–teeth are perfectly fine when I’m unaware of them.  As soon as they’re sensitive, hurt, or have a drill in them, I’m over teeth.

Eyebrows- Can’t flippin’ stand them.  Perhaps I have unruly eyebrows or something, but I HATE that you have to pluck them in order to give them an appropriate shape.  I HATE that the lil hairs grow back at different paces, so you’re always looking for those darn strays.  And I hate that if you screw ’em up, you have to wait until your entire eyebrow grows back in before you can start over–so you end up walking around looking like a wicked little troll with spiny eyebrows.

Fingernails- Maybe it’s because my fingernails are thin, flaky, and consistently have hangnails and ridges.  But I just don’t like them.  The only purpose they serve is to give your man a back-scratchin’.  That’s not entirely true–they do serve as screwdrivers sometimes, and scum removers.  Hm.  Still.  Don’t like ’em.

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Posted by on April 6, 2011 in Daily Happenings


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