On more than one occasion, by more than a few people, I’ve been told that I exude goatish qualities. But for simplicity’s sake, let’s focus on the one’s Mike has pointed out.
At first I was offended. I certainly do not have a beard. And I do not walk on all fours. I am not furry like a goat, and I do not neah (well…nevermind–that’s debatable).
And then one day, I was talking on the phone with Mike and I realized I was standing on my dining room chair. Standing, with the phone in one hand, twirling my hair with the other hand, and standing on a damn chair. Immediately I hopped off and started pacing, never letting Mike know that I had been “goating” the chair.
I let it slide. I mean, so maybe I just wanted to stand on a chair, right? But no. Things got worse.
When I was living with Mike in Pennsylvania, he used to come home from the courthouse for his half hour lunch. Now, Mike never sits down to eat lunch, but rather walks from cupboard to cupboard, to the refrigerator, to the counter. He’s on the move. And I must have been following him, because he stopped in the middle of the kitchen and said, “You’re following me like a goat.”
Then I knew it was all true. So here is a list of goatish qualities that I’ve noticed:
1) I stand on furniture (mostly chairs) but really anything I can get my feet on. If I’m on near a curb, I walk on it. If there’s an empty bench, I jump onto it. I just like to be up high.
2) I follow people–mostly Mike. And I mean follow. I find myself staring at his heels while I walk behind him, just when we’re in a house, or at camp or something. But I do, I follow.
3) I’ve been known to run in aimless paths. Alcohol is only involved sometimes.
4) Yes, I headbutt. But I only do it out of self-defense! Or when someone makes me angry. Okay, so basically I have no good reason for this one.
5) I tilt my head. I think it offers a better perspective when someone is saying something that doesn’t quite make sense.
6) I chew on/eat random things. It’s true–I’m not too picky. All my pencils are riddled with teeth marks. I grind my teeth. I chew the hell out of my toothbrush. And I find a strange joy in gnawing on jerky. Just some of the stuff I eat–well, Mike looks at it with disgust. Or maybe it’s the way I eat it? Like tearing all the chicken nugget breading off of McNuggets, eating the chicken first, and then going back for the breading…
7) I like to spend time in barns. Okay, this one’s a little silly. But who doesn’t like to spend time in barns? There’s hay and a loft and things to climb and swing on… Again, not making a case against being goatish.
Have a goaty day!