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Monthly Archives: June 2011

PSA: Wilmington TOMORROW JULY 1STs

This is a Public Service Announcement from Cleveland, Ohio to Wilmington, North Carolina.

June 30, 2011
7:00pm Mike and Erica will leave Cleveland and drive down that gorgeous Interstate-77.
July 1, 2011
6:00am Arrive in Raleigh, North Carolina, where they will have breakfast with Hopie Juan.
9:00am Pull into Scott and Michelle’s house, where they will drop off their crap.
9:30am Beach (probably).
July 1-5, 2011
Let’s play “Where are Mike and Erica?”
July 5, 2011
AM Depart for Cleveland again.

During their time in Wilmington, they will not be scheduling things with anyone, so as to not cause “unfair you got to see Erica and Mike and I didn’t!” feelings.  I will post on Twitter and Facebook where we are and what we’re doing.  You are MORE than welcome to come hang out with us.

At some point we will be at:

Carolina Beach
Kure Beach
Wrightsville Beach
Flaming Amy’s Burrito Barn
The Mellow Mushroom
The Reel Cafe
The Goat and Compass
Downtown in General
Indochine (?)
The Guppy Ranch
Carmen’s House
UNCW
The McDonald’s on Wilshire and College

There will be other places.  If you would like to be told when I am at a specific one of these places, please let me know.  🙂  See you soon, Wilmington.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on June 30, 2011 in Daily Happenings

 

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4th of July Traditions

Sparklers.  Red White and Blue cookies.  Baseball.  Swimming.  Fireworks.

Lighting your cousin’s pine tree on fire with an intricate system of trash found around the yard and burning sparkler embers…

Whatever your tradition is, GO CELEBRATE!  July 4th is my favorite holiday.  You don’t have to get anyone a present.  You don’t have to stuff bread crumbs up a bird butt.  The food is good and simple, and smells like charcoal.  And you get to drink beer and play with fire.  What else could you want from a holiday?!

My family always got together on the 4th of July at Aunt Mary Lynn and Uncle Todd’s house.  Our parents drank and cooked.  And when it got dark, each father held a blowtorch to light our sparklers, and to set off bigger fireworks in the street.  And all the while, my cousins and I gathered shreds of paper from the yard, dry grass, and anything that looked like it might catch fire, and we built a pile under a tree and lit it on fire with our sparklers.  The tree caught fire.  It was saved.  🙂

I’ve spent 4th of July in a lot of different places.  Ex-boyfriends’ driveways, West Virginia to 4-wheel in the mountains, East Harbor with a friend from college, to Jimmy Bukket’s in Fremont.  But this year, Mike and I are going to spend the holiday weekend in Wilmington, where the fireworks go off over a river, and where our friends will get all liquored up with us, and where we can get all romantic and mushy about where we first met.  🙂

What are your 4th of July traditions?

 
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Posted by on June 29, 2011 in Daily Happenings

 

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On “Go the F*ck to Sleep” by Adam Mansbach

Hilarious.  Truly.  A book called “Go the F*ck to Sleep” is making people CRAZY!

They say, “That’s not a children’s book!”  No shit.  It’s for adults.

They say, “It’s insensitive!”  No it’s not.  It’s for adults.

They say, “It mocks parental frustrations!”  No, it doesn’t.  It makes parents realize that no one can get their kids to go the f*ck to sleep.

CRIMENY!  Any of these morons that believe that this book was written to be read to children are not fit to be parents.  Really?  Are you going to teach your child the “f-word” if they’re the age that they still need bedtime stories?  NO!

Now that that’s over with, I will say that this book is hilarious.  And it’s even more hilarious listening to it being narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.  For free, you can download the audio book.  FOR FREE people.

Go here.  Listen to it.  LOVE IT.  Do not read it to your children.  Otherwise, I will group you with the morons.

 

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Hillbilly Kids on a Picnic Bench

Are we still hillbillies if we grew up in Northwest Ohio, where there are no hills, but rather fields spanning for miles?

Bah.  Anyway, last week (before my gender rant), I talked about gymnastics, and the Magnificent 7.  After talking with my cousins, I remembered some of the ways in which that gymnastics team affected us.

We played gymnastics day in and day out on my grandparents’ farm in Clyde.  The side yard was our floor exercise.  The swing set was our uneven bars.  And a picnic bench served as both the vault and the balance beam.  Mostly, it was the Big Kids who were playing.  It was a privilege–no lil kids allowed.

So Heidi, Heather, Meghan and I played gymnastics.  Of course, we weren’t smart enough to drag a radio out to the yard for the floor exercise music.  Instead, we had Heidi or Heather (who are musically talented–much more so than me) sing the songs they sang in choir class every day.  I distinctly remember, “If I were a rich man…” and something about a chimney…  And something phonetically sounding like, “Ama llama kooma llama kooma llama viste…”

Ha, what the hell?

And I’m not sure any of us could actually do a cartwheel properly.  My knees were always bent.  I was never in a straight line, and more often than not, I think I fell on my ass.  I do know that one day, I spent hours perfecting a one handed cartwheel.  I don’t know how good it looked…but I know I did it!

We each took on the personalities of the Magnificent 7.  Meghan was always Shannon Miller.  Me, tubby little me, wanted to be the petite Dominique Moceanu, and other times, I wanted to be Kim Zmeskal.  I’m not sure Heidi and Heather cared who they were.  Often they were the judges, because after all, they were the oldest of the Big Kids.

Balance checks to snotty looks, to not having our toes pointed, we scored each other because we wanted to be the Magnificent 7 (4?).

That was freaking fun.  We ought to bust out our ribbon dancers are reunite for a final meet.  I’ll bring the picnic bench.  Oh, and um, some beer.

 
12 Comments

Posted by on June 27, 2011 in Daily Happenings

 

The End of Gender? )#$*)(@#$

Wow, what a thing to wake up to on a Friday morning.  THE END OF GENDER!

Breaking news! #)$(#@@#$)*(%)(!@  REALLY!?

Now I’m pissed.  SUPER pissed.  “Gender is becoming extinct.”  No kidding!  And normally I hate hate hate NPR and refuse to look at/listen to it(sorry, artsy friends), but they put up this article yesterday, and I am losing my mind.

Okay, check out these bullets from the article:

“Look closely and you may see signposts.

• Kathy Witterick and her husband, David Stocker, are raising their 4-month-old child, Storm, without revealing the child’s gender. According to the birth announcement from the Toronto couple: “We’ve decided not to share Storm’s sex for now — a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime (a more progressive place?)”
• Andrej Pejic, an androgynous Australian model, worked both the male and female runways at the Paris fashion shows earlier this year.
• A recent J. Crew catalog drew national attention when it featured a young boy with his toenails painted pink.” –this dumb article

1)  OMG reveal the child’s sex.  “More progressive place”?  Really?  Let’s just undefine everything that we’ve ever defined.  PLEASE!  So that no one knows left from right, and no one knows up from down.  SERIOUSLY.

2)  Okay, models are different, and I do not care.  I don’t think models look like real people anyway.

3)  Um, kids are special.  Sometimes, they imitate to learn.  If they end up being gay and wanting to paint their toenails, giddy up.  If  they end up straight wanting to paint their toenails, giddy up.

But I am scared outta my mind that the children of the future are going to grow up without gender roles.  It’s farkin’ stupid.  We bitch about how people don’t know how to act. Well that’s because we’re so afraid to tell them how to act, or to show them, because God forbid we offend anyone.

Please don’t get me wrong.  I love gay folks, I love straight folks, I have no problem with people being confused about gender.  I have no problem with people who do anything.  To each their own.  But as a society?  DAMNIT I do have a problem with the fact that people are being offended by something that is relatively natural!

Gender roles exist because people need guidelines.  You take guidelines away, and people freak out.  No one knows how to act.  And then it’s just freakin’ mayhem.

I’m proud to be a damn woman.  And I’m proud to act like one.  But I don’t fit all the roles.  I can’t cook for the life of me–oh wait, are you offended by that?  Are you offended that I relate cooking to a woman’s gender role?  Well guess what, my boyfriend can cook…and shoot the deer that he throws on the skillet or the grill or blah blah blah.  But he can’t sew a button on his khakis.

And I think pride goes back to something else.  There CAN be distinctions!  I’m proud to be a woman.  I proud to have a little German and Czech in me.  Mike’s proud to be a man.  And to have some Indian (I’m not sayin’ Native American) in him.  I know plenty of Puerto Ricans who are proud to be Puerto Rican.  And I know plenty of other people from all areas of the world, or from certain descents, that are proud of that!  But we’re not supposed to identify them by it.

Why not?  They’re proud of it.  WTF)(#*)$(*@#)$(*

I’m too mad to finish this.  Have a good weekend, you androgynous, neutral-descended, ….crap I’m more offended by that than I am definition.

Ciao.

 
9 Comments

Posted by on June 24, 2011 in Domesticity

 

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The Magnificent 7 – An American Team


The Magnificent 7.  Shannon Miller, Dominique Moceanu, Dominique Dawes, Kerri Strug, Amy Chow, Amanda Borden and Jaycie Phelps.  1996 Olympic Gold Medalists in gymnastics.  We were ALL behind them.  Why don’t we have something like this anymore?!  Sure, we were all rooting for Michael Phelps, but the truth is I just didn’t give a shit.

Maybe it’s because he was an individual.  I can get behind a team a lot more.  And I don’t care about swimming.  At all.  And he had no hardships, like our darling little Kerri Strug.  And what about sweet little Dominique Moceanu, and America’s sweetheart Shannon Miller? And I always thought Amanda Borden was just the nicest girl with the sweetest smile.  That’s a whole lotta “sweet.”

Michael Phelps just didn’t do anything for me.

I remember as a child waiting rather impatiently to watch the next routine.  I don’t even care about the Olympics, but I cared about the Magnificent 7.

So what was it about them?  Their personalities?  How did an entire country rally behind them?  How did we all fall in love with the Magnificent 7?

When was the last time America was excited about someone, or a group of someones?  We can’t really count Obama and the last presidential election based solely on the fact that there were two sides.  There are always two sides in politics.

But not with the Magnificent 7.  They had the entire country behind them.  I miss that.  I want America to get behind something like this again.  We need a group that’s all around good.  That we just can’t turn away from.

But in this farking politically correct world, it’s hard to find something that pleases everyone…

 
5 Comments

Posted by on June 23, 2011 in Daily Happenings

 

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Stereotyping States: Louisiana

I want to stereotype the states.  All of them.  Today, I’m starting with Louisiana based on a suggestion.  DO NOT GET OFFENDED.  I’M JUST SPOUTING CRAP. 

The way this will work is that I will state the things that the state makes me think of off the top of my head without any research.  And then maybe I’ll do a little research and see what I’m missing.

Off the Top of My Head


  • New Orleans/Mardi Gras – Uh duh.
  • Swamp People The enthralling show on the History Channel on which people go out onto the swamp to catch gators.  I love how they talk, I love how important it all is to them, and how entertaining it is.
  • Garth Brooks singing “Callin’ Baton Rouge” because that’s just a damn good song.
  • A boot.  What?  It’s shaped like one.

With a Little Research

  • Louisiana is the only state in the union that does not have counties. Its political subdivisions are called parishes.
  • Cajuns are descendants of the Acadians who were driven out of Canada in the 1700s because they wouldn’t pledge allegiance to the King of England.
  • One of their laws?  It is illegal to gargle in public places.
  • Another one?  One could land in jail for up to a year for making a false promise.

Erica’s Stereotypes

Now, I do not know anyone from Louisiana that I know of.  If I do, I’m sorry.  Or if you’re from Louisiana, I’m sorry.  But I’m just trying to come up with some sort of conclusion about the typical Louisianian.  I believe the typical Louisianian is:

  • honest (see final point under research)
  • enjoys crawfish and catching gators
  • likes spicy food
  • has at least one room in their house that is gold, purple and green
  • enjoys baking babies into cakes
  • has flashed at least 10 people in their lives
  • sings “Callin’ Baton Rouge” daily
  • is missing some teeth due to the law about gargling
  • gets really pissed off at The Waterboy
  • drinks tea and beer on the porch
  • and can catch a snake without flinching

Again, I’m just talking shit.  I’ll do it to every state, including my own.  So just laugh about it and get over it.

Cheers!

 
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Posted by on June 22, 2011 in Daily Happenings

 

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