Wow…I just realized how unreasonably cheesy that sounds… Like it’s supposed to be some awe-inspiring inspirational comment.
But that is not the case. The truth is that I actually can dictate the future. Let me explain.
I know when things are going to happen. I get that feeling. Maybe it’s just because I’m really freaking cool. But here goes:
When any Rascal Flatts plays a ridiculous number of times in a short period of time, I know that Douchebag will probably call soon. (Again, I only use “Douchebag” to protect his identity.)
When I start to pick up on a trend that is not popular (e.g. my hippy phase, my sailor phase, etc.), it immediately becomes popular. Just over the past few months, I have been trying insanely hard to find a floor length nightgown for adults that isn’t “old lady” style. I go to all the trouble to order one from a wonderful Mennonite woman off of Etsy and talk to my very good seamstress friend Joy about making me one, and all the sudden, they’re on the racks at Target and every freaking where else.
Seems to me, too, that every time I do something, like pierce my tragus or something, all the sudden everyone else and their brother goes to get it done. I JUST DON’T GET IT. I was the first of all my friends to get a tattoo, as well. “That’s dumb, Erica. Why would you do that?” Then I see them in the street more inked than a male squid who pissed off a female squid.
Flattered? Okay, sure, I’ll be flattered. I’m just ahead of the trend.
When I started dating Mike, I wanted things to happen. I wrote him letters that I never sent him in a little orange book, and days after I would write them, the things I talked about would happen! Recently I’ve considered using this to my advantage–writing about how he will propose to me in this incredibly romantic way, and how we’ll get married and live in my big white farmhouse and have babies and a puppy dog. But I’m not sure I should mess with the fates. I write the things down that I truly want to happen, and then they seem to.
And it’s kind of like with my job. After my first interview, I thought, “This is where I’m going to come every day, and someday, I’ll drive here in a Subaru, and it’ll be the best job EVER.” I come here every day, I do drive a Subaru, and it is the best job ever.
I can predict the future, and apparently I’m a trendsetter (even though I abandon the trend as soon as it’s popular). And hey, if you just wanna be like me, well THANKEE! 🙂