If I were a kitchen utensil…

29 Jul

When I was a graduate teaching assistant in grad school, I always took attendance in my creative writing classes by asking a random question before I started lecturing.

Sometimes it was, “What song is the soundtrack to your day?”  “Do you have any pets?”  “What terrifies you the most?”

I asked questions because it got the students thinking about things other than how hungover they were, or that jerk in the dorm who burnt the popcorn and set the fire alarms off in the middle of the night (SHELLEY).  They started thinking outside of the box.

One of my favorite questions was, “If you were a kitchen utensil, what would you be and why?”

Well, now, in my Diary of a Housegirlfriend surrounded by bon bons and martinis, I thought, “Wow, I ought to answer this myself.  I do belong in the kitchen, after all.”  Oh, calm down, feminists.  You can just eat your power lunch in your power suit and your power pumps.  Then you can go burn your bra or something.

But really, if I was a kitchen utensil, what would I be?

I guess you have to define utensil.  Wiki’s list is huge, so I’m just gonna pick one.

I think that I’m going to go with this:  I would be the ice Kitchen-Aid standing mixer.

First of all, I choose this because I like to mix things.  I like to add things to my cereal (like honey or candy), to my coffee (all kinds of fun stuff), to smoothies, to cookies, to anything.  I like to mix stuff together to see what happens.

I also chose the automatic blender over a spatula because I think power tools in the kitchen are awesome.  What?  It’s not a power tool?  Go ahead and stick your hand in there and see if it comes out mangled.

And I chose this color, because it’s just freaking pretty.

Real Life Conclusions based on utensil choice:

I like to mix stuff up in life, too, just to see what happens sometimes.  The oddest combinations sometimes end up being completely awesome.

I like power, but in a controlled way.  Spin wildly out of control, but keep it in the bowl.

I appreciate pretty things.  Not to mention I’m in a blue/green phase.

And I like the finished product after laboring to make something.

So what kitchen utensil are you?


Posted by on July 29, 2011 in Domesticity


Tags: , , , , , ,

3 responses to “If I were a kitchen utensil…

  1. Jerry Pope

    July 29, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    I loved your attendance questions. Some were silly and fun, others bizarre and other worldly–making us students wonder just what all went into your morning coffee. No matter what, our answers revealed to others and ourselves “who we are.” That understanding of self is the hope for all teachers and the purpose of writing. I’ll always treasure that class.

    • erica42285

      July 29, 2011 at 12:52 pm

      Oh Jerry, thank you. That just makes me smile. You were a great student.

      Also, for the record, the only thing that went into my coffee was Splenda! :o)

  2. Jarvis Slacks

    July 29, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    If I had to be some device that exists in the kitchen, I would be the Ice-machine that is in the door of our Fridge. That we never use. That works just fine.


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