Friday night, my co-workers and I went out for some pumpkin beer. We had a great time. My friend Matt, who continually busts my chops about something, started complaining that none of my blog entries interest him. In turn, I gave him the opportunity to pick out my blog content for this week.
His first choice? Stripper poles. And why women are “drawn to them like a bug is drawn to a bug zapper.” And if stripper poles were actually bug zappers, “we’d have dead hoochies all over the place.” Words of wisdom, my friends. Words of wisdom.
So why are women drawn to stripper poles? Let’s dumb this down to poles in general. If a woman is in a bar (I’ve seen *ahem* and done *ahem* this before–Windsor, Canada rings a bell…), and there is a pole nearby, there is a 80% chance that at some point throughout the night, she will grab on to it, throw her head back, swing around a little bit, and carry on drinking. The show may go on a bit longer if she is getting attention. Which brings me to reason #1 that women go to stripper poles.
Women love attention. It’s in our blood. So if we’re going out, we’ve probably done our hair, painstakingly picked out an outfit, and we want someone to notice. And as soon as you grab a pole, people notice because they’re interested to see what will happen next.
#2: To turn you dogs on.
Right along side of the desire for attention is the desire to feel physically attractive. We get on stripper poles because as soon as we touch that metal, we have every man in the room’s attention. Whether he thought you were attractive to begin with or not, as soon as you touch that pole, you have his undivided attention. Why? Because you’re probably about to do something slutty, and men will watch purely for the chance that you will.
#3: We’re drunk.
So basically, drunkenness means bad decisions. You go sleep with your best friend’s little sister. We wrap ourselves around a pole in public. A stripper pole. When you’re drunk, everything seems like a good decision.
#4: The freedom.
I know what you’re asking. “What freedom?” The freedom of flying through the air on a stripper pole while your senses are already dulled and your head is buzzy and you can’t feel your nose or your front teeth! It’s like getting drunk and finding a swing set. The pole is just more apt to be found in a bar.
#5: Finally–to prove that we’re not that drunk.
We can still hold onto a pole and flail ourselves about. So we’re not that drunk.