Why I Fail at Being My Definition of a Woman

30 Nov

Here’s where you all get to attack me, since I attack many of the things that ya’ll do.  So I’m going to attack myself for a change.

I continuously talk about what I think men should be:  strong, independent, lumberjackish, able to grow facial hair, broad-shouldered, rough-handed, handy around the house, etc.  Maybe it’s not so much what I think men should be, but rather I describe the type of men that I am attracted to.

Many of my rants spawn from the fact that I see gender roles disappearing, and I still stand by the by the fact that I think this world needs gender roles to continue on with any sort of organization.

The point of this post, though, is that while I do fall into my ideal of female thought, I do not act as though I think a woman should act.  Let me explain.  I think men should be all of those above characteristics…  I also think women should possess certain characteristics and skills.  And here’s the big moment:  MANY OF WHICH I DO NOT.

I want to be this...only blonde.

That’s right, I’m a hypocrite.  Here is why I fail at being my definition of a woman:

  • I do not cook.  (I don’t rightly see the need to cook as I live alone…and I am holding out to learn it until I get married.)
  • I’m not really that crafty.  (Yeah, you saw my sweater. And I can crochet single stitches. But that’s about the extent of it.)
  • I only own one apron…and I’ve worn it once.
  • I do not clean my house in a cute dress and make-up.  (I wish I did…I might once I actually live with Mike.)
  • I cuss like a sailor.
  • I drink like one, too.  And not martinis.  I like beer.  I think I redeem myself on this one, though, with the mass amounts of wine I drink.
  • I do not get excited about kitchen appliances (except refrigerators).

Maybe I’m not the woman I want to be yet, because I don’t feel like a full-fledged woman.  I feel like a college kid, still.  I live in an apartment, alone, so there’s no reason to cook.  And no reason to get all gussied up to spend my evenings alone.

I honestly think I will feel like a woman when I have a home of my own (then I will really get excited about kitchen appliances) and when I can cook for someone.  I will especially feel like a woman when I have children.  I’m in a weird sort of limbo right now.  I guess we’ll see how this turns out.


Posted by on November 30, 2011 in Domesticity


Tags: , , , , , , ,

10 responses to “Why I Fail at Being My Definition of a Woman

  1. jacajacjac

    November 30, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    This is funny. And sad.
    xx Jackie

    • erica42285

      November 30, 2011 at 1:22 pm

      Sad because I’m not the best woman I could be. I know.

  2. Sebastien

    November 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Oh gender roles. It’s a more complicated topic then many people give it credit for.

    They exist. They are, however, not innate (at least I do not believe them to be); they are defined in most ways primarily by society, not by biology.

    And they do give society a certain structure which can be beneficial. Housework and cooking can take up a lot of time; homemade broth is delicious, but it takes a day to make, and if both individuals are working full time, you just don’t have the time to do it.

    I also have a notion of the definition of male and female gender roles; both myself and I girlfriend fail at them, and as a result we work for each other. Right now I’m doing freelance writing part-time from home, taking care of a majority of the cleaning and cooking, while she’s working full time as a co-op student at a civil engineering firm.

    Basically, I’m the housewife. And you know what? I love to cook (more iffy on the cleaning, but meh). This arrangements works for both of us.

    …ok, this reply is growing into a full article of it’s own :S

    I will end by saying the following: 1) you are you. What you want to be, the things you want to do, are a personal choice. If you think you’d be happy being the more classical housewife, then best of luck to you! 2) Start learning to cook now!!! Real cooking is not as easy as following a recipe, it takes practice to actually understand cooking.

    Best of luck 🙂

    • erica42285

      November 30, 2011 at 3:26 pm

      I think I will start to learn how to cook. I’ll just do it secretively so that my darling Mike won’t know about it–then he can never expect me to do it until we’re married. He does most of the cooking now, and I think I’ll keep it that way for a bit longer.

      I hear you on the gender roles, though. You make a lot of sense, and you talk intelligently and tolerantly of everything. Thanks for reading!

  3. Elyse L

    November 30, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Chiming in on this one. 🙂 If I understand you correctly, in order to be womanly, one must cook, be crafty, wear an apron, not curse and not drink beer. If those are the only qualifications, I think everyone is screwed because I have never met any woman who fulfills all those qualifications.

    Womanhood feels like it should be more than those things…it should be about the way she carries herself; the way she nurtures others. She is an incredible, sexual vessel of life. She drinks beer like she kisses and speaks her mind, even if the language is considered unsavory but it isn’t ugly, just strong. Being a woman is being a representative of Mother Earth, being fierce and carnal. No lioness or mama bear ever wore an apron. They fight for the lives of their children, and it isn’t sweet or pretty. Womanhood is embracing that women come in different shapes, sizes and personalities, smiling because they recognize the beauty of difference.

    I’m going to go drink a fucking beer and enjoy being all that is woman. 😉

    • erica42285

      November 30, 2011 at 8:50 pm

      Ha ha I love it, Elyse! No no, it’s not that I think all women should fit those standards–it’s just the type of woman I always thought I would be. That’s all. And I want to be that type of woman, but I’m not there yet. Every lady can be her own thing. I just don’t fit my own definition of what I expect of myself.

      • Elyse

        November 30, 2011 at 9:16 pm

        But, if you don’t fit that definition ever? You’re still a woman. And it is ok to acknowledge what you want and strive to be better, but never feel less of a woman than you are. And keep drinking beer because it will sustain you as you try to teach yourself to cook and clean the house in heels.

  4. Jarvis Slacks

    November 30, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    The fact that you aren’t any of the things that make a “woman” a “woman” is exactly why gender roles are stupid, and you should ignore them whenever possible.

    • erica42285

      November 30, 2011 at 9:50 pm

      You’re so forward-thinking, Jarvis. Sometimes it makes me puke. 😉

  5. Jerry Pope

    December 1, 2011 at 8:45 am

    You are already who you should be, because that’s who you are. And who you are is pretty doggone cool.


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