And Now I Have a Pig Heart…

06 Jan

So last night, I went to bed feeling quite unsettled.  I had the dream to prove it:

I was standing outside when two doctors pulled me inside and all of the sudden I was in my bedroom, but a very sterile version of it.  I wore a hospital gown and there were chest x-rays all over the room.  I was told I needed a new heart, and that they had one, but that I’d have to have the operation at that very second.

Without questioning anything, I agreed.  I stayed semi-awake for the operation.  I remember seeing my ribs and my skin splayed open and thinking, “I hope this works.”

They weren’t replacing it with a human heart, though.  They were using a pig’s heart.  I watched them pull my own heart from my chest, put it into a plastic bag and into a tank of formaldehyde, but the veins and arteries were still attached to it.  It was still beating.  With the pig heart in my chest, new veins and arteries were attached, and momentarily, I had two hearts.  They closed me up leaving just a tiny hole for the lines of my first heart.

When I was fully conscious, they told me to breathe deeply, and all at once, they cut the lines to my heart and the pig heart fluttered wildly, pounding against my rib cage to get back into the natural rhythm of things.  And then it did.

I felt relieved.  The doctor pushed on a couple of places and asked if it hurt.  I said no and lifted my hand to feel the stitches that went in a vertical line down my chest, and then looked up at a wall of photos from my past and although scarred, I knew that I was going to live.



Posted by on January 6, 2012 in Daily Happenings


Tags: , , , , , ,

3 responses to “And Now I Have a Pig Heart…

  1. Carmen

    January 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Oh, Lord, that’s a hard one, and it’s even harder without background information. You know for this to work fully I need to know what your underlying worries and fears are at the time, but that being said, I’ll still give it a shot.

    Okay, so you go in for an operation, and you have to get a new heart. The odd part about this is how calm and accepting you are to the process, which indicates to me that you’ve seen it coming for a longtime now and while it might be scary, there’s a calm acceptance that this is what must be done.

    So, you get the old heart taken out and surprise, surprise, instead of getting a new human heart, you get a pig heart. Why the pig heart? Well, perhaps this means that the solution to your problem is unconventional and also completely not what you would have anticipated, but yet it works. And also, maybe the solution is horrifying. Like who wants a pig heart? But I think your subconscious is trying to say that even if the absolute worst happens, you’ll survive.

    So, at one point you have two hearts, both functional, but we all know that they can’t survive together. This shows that your heart is being torn in two directions. It’s interesting that the heart is put in the formaldehyde with everything attached. It means that the transition will cause some tearing and ripping and not be very pleasant. And you’ll be wavering between the two options for a while, but ultimately, you go on with the new heart or new phase of your life.

    The end is rather beautiful. You are different, but relieved about it. You have this scar, which cannot be hidden, and you look up and see those pictures of the past. And I like this because it shows that the past can coexist with your present. The memories of that time with your other heart are not lost, but remain within grasp, but you are going to let that time go (not be erased, just released) and continue on to explore what this new heart has to offer.

    Okay, thanks for distracting me from my writing!



  2. erica42285

    January 6, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    I would like everyone to know that Carmen should be a professional dream interpreter.

    • Carmen

      January 6, 2012 at 3:54 pm

      Thanks, Erica. Hope it all works out with your new/old heart. 🙂


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