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Today’s New Psychotic Parent Trend: It’s Not Even Safe to Play at Home

23 Mar

Whenever my parents/aunts/uncles/grandparents/etc. hear about a new safety feature or rule regarding children, they always say, “I don’t know how we’re alive, or how you kids are alive for that matter.”

And as soon as I read this article, I thought, “Well son of a bitch.  If the world is so damn dangerous, how are we all still here, and how is the world so overpopulated?”

I had an “I am my mother” moment.  Which is perfectly fine.

BUT SERIOUSLY!  This stupid bitch finds out she’s pregnant, enters every product in her house into some stupid internet database, and threw out $25 lipsticks and a ton of other stuff because they were “toxic.”  Her thoughts (my paraphrase): “OMG PANIC what could these be doing to my baby?!”

Shut up.  You’re overprotective and clingy and you need a reality check.

Good God!  I mean, can we say first world problems?  “My poor snowflake has PVC in her mobile above her crib!”  Really?  Kids in Africa are living without homes, and you’re worried about PVC?

We all grew up with lead paint and asbestos, and pretty sure that no one stopped me from riding on the back shelf of my aunt’s two-door Mazda, and no one kept us from riding 7 kids in a Jeep Wrangler with no seat belts…or roof for that matter.  I ate dirt, played with bugs, ingested unknown liquids from the driveway, fell down, climbed trees, got away with not washing my hands, chewed on my crib, and God knows what else.

And guess what–I AM ALIVE!  And healthy.  And I have a job and take care of myself.

I’m not against taking care of your nuggets, people, but really?  I can’t handle these nutty ass folks.

Here’s what I think you ought to do:

Don’t let them drink stuff from under the sink.  That’s it.  Ugh.

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3 Comments

Posted by on March 23, 2012 in Raising My Youngins

 

Tags: , ,

3 responses to “Today’s New Psychotic Parent Trend: It’s Not Even Safe to Play at Home

  1. Greg Barnes

    March 23, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    I liked this book title; I’m sure I’d LOVE the book….”Slow Death by Rubber Duck: The Secret Danger of Everyday Things.”

     
  2. Greg Barnes

    March 23, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Reblogged this on For Shiggles and commented:
    Erica says it about as well as it can be said!

     

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