Tag Archives: cars

Deal Breaker # 3: Loving Cars More Than You Love Me

Check out Deal Breaker # 1 and Deal Breaker # 2.

Pretty specific, huh?

I guess it could be summed up to loving any material thing more than you love me, and in turn putting it ahead of me and treating it better than me.

Spiteful?  Not so much anymore.  This is mild.

Story time!  So in one of my relationships, I competed with cars, trucks, dune buggies–pretty much anything with a motor.  One time, we were going to the sprint car races early to reserve seats later that night.  We parked the buggy and I undid my seatbelt.  There were a lot of people around from out of town that I didn’t know–rough looking characters–and I didn’t want to stay out there by myself.  As I pulled myself out of the buggy, he gave me a look.

“What?” I asked.

“Aren’t you going to stay here to guard the buggy?” he asked like it was common sense.

“Oh.”  And because I was dumb and in love, I said, “Sure.”

Unfortunately, it wasn't an equilateral triangle...

I played second fiddle to anything with a motor for about two years.  But I think 2 years was enough–the deal broke.  I won’t come second fiddle anymore (in serious relationships).  I love when guys have an interest.  I mean, I went to countless races, car shows, and spent more time in a garage watching him work on cars than I can remember, and the truth was that it was okay because I knew it made him happy.

It was only when he started using his desire to buy more things with engines as a buffer to keep me at bay from a future that it was time to go.

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Posted by on January 13, 2012 in The Book of Love


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If you can’t PARALLEL PARK, get off the road.

Okay, I have to say it–those farking cars that parallel park for you are going to RUIN THE HUMAN RACE.  Seriously?  Have we really lost the ability to parallel park ourselves?  Can we do nothing on our own anymore?  It’s not that farking hard!

And if you have your license and you’ve passed your maneuverability test, well damnit, you ought to be able to parallel park.

I am all for technology, people.  I work in it, I use it, I love it.  But at what point do we become helpless bags of skin that can’t even breathe without a machine?  But parking is something different.  Driving a car is a religious experience–one that shouldn’t be messed with.

Driving is the merging of man and machine, of power and control and force.  When I turned 16, nothing made me smile more than getting behind the wheel of my 1990 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera and motoring down the road.  I controlled how fast I went, when I stopped, where I went.  I parked my car.  It was my machine to control.  And now we’re letting our cars control us.

Unacceptable.  If you can’t parallel park, get the hell off of the road.  If you can’t control a vehicle, I don’t want you behind the wheel.


Posted by on October 13, 2011 in Daily Happenings


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Things That Men Should Do

Calm down, Feminists.  You do not have to agree with me.  And just because it’s on the list doesn’t meant that women can’t do it, too.  Got it?  So quit burning your bras and go bake a pie.

And you men who are breaking the mold/denying your forefathers/blah blah blah–check out this website.  In fact, all men should bookmark this website and keep it handy.  It’s called The Art of Manliness (and yes, I truly believe that manliness is an art–too close to becoming a lost art for my own comfort).

Robert Redford is a man’s man.  A manly man.  A darn sexy man.

Anyway, here’s the list of things that men should do:

1)  Pump the gas–if you’re with a woman, even if she’s driving her own car and paying for the gas, a man should step out and pump.

2)  Clean the snow off the car.

3)  Kill spiders/swipe high cobwebs/catch mice. And don’t chase us with them.

4)  Carve the turkey.

5)  Hold open doors.

6)  Slow dance–We know you hate it, but at least we’re not making you shake your asses in a circle with the rest of the girls.

7)  Read something once in awhile.

8)  Open tight jar lids.

9)  Fix the things we break.

10)  Hold our arm when it’s icy.

11)  Walk nearest the road–this is actually common chivalry.

12)  Let us warm our feet/hands/noses on you–face it.  You’re all veritable human heaters.  Share the warmth!

13)  Car maintenance, including washes.

14)  Put together furniture.

15)  Help out your friends–even if you don’t feel like it.

16)  Take out the trash.

17)  Wait for us outside the bathroom in public places–not right there, just somewhere nearby so we can find you upon exiting.

18)  Get down on one knee to propose.

19)  Call to say goodnight–if you’re away, this is a complete necessity.

20)  Watch a sappy movie once in awhile.

21)  Warm up the car.

22)  Always carry the bigger/heavier bag.

23)  Eat our leftovers if there isn’t enough to take home.

24)  Don’t be afraid to sweat.
I’m sure there are thousands more.  I’ll add them to the list as I think of them.

Have an awesome Thursday!


Posted by on February 10, 2011 in Domesticity


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