Tag Archives: Gender Roles

Greener Grass from the Window of a One-Bedroom Apartment?

Last night, I went out to Panini’s in Brunswick to celebrate my friend Greg‘s birthday.  As we were sitting around the fire pit on the patio, I got into a conversation about how I wanted out of my apartment and into…and how some of the guys around me wanted out of their houses and back into apartments.

Let’s get the facts down first:  I hate living in apartments.  I hate the people around me.  I hate the noise.  I hate shared walls. I hate having to unlock two doors to get to my place (even though that makes me feel safe).  My first apartment in Brunswick was pretty much underground…full of spiders…dark…damp.  I felt like a mushroom.

My second apartment is bigger–still on the first floor–but nonetheless, it is still an apartment.  It’s a two-bedroom, but I can honestly count the times I’ve opened the door to that second bedroom on one hand.

Now back to the bar conversation–the guys have houses-nice big houses-that I would kill for.  They have driveways and garages and yards.  They have a home–a reason to decorate and actually make it feel like a home.

Now me–I don’t have a yard.  I can’t even hang a bird-feeder for the cardinals.  I don’t have a balcony (1st floor), and I can’t open my windows because the fucking (white trash) smokers at the front door (who have awesome grammar and language skills, by the way) stand there and bitch and blow smoke into my windows.  I don’t normally judge–but seriously.  I am alone in my apartment.  I have all the time and space to myself.  And I hate it.

Now, the guys I was talking to–the ones with their nice houses and their yards–sometimes long to be back in the one-bedroom apartment stage of their lives.  WHY?!

Simplicity–yes, I understand that.  And that’s pretty much it.  I mean, I don’t get it.

But maybe it’s a gender roles thing.  Maybe men want to go back to that primitive way, and women want to move forward?  Maybe…  Or maybe it’s because I am alone and long for Mike to be with me in my living arrangement, and once you’re older and have been with someone for awhile, you want to go back to solitude.  I don’t know. I don’t get it.

All I know is that I can’t be bothered to decorate my apartment to make it feel like home because it isn’t home.  It’s a temporary place that will hold me until I can find a place with Mike to call home.

Maybe the grass is just never greener out of your current window.


Posted by on April 5, 2012 in Daily Happenings


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Respect for Womanhood Requires Respect for Manhood

Get your darn minds out of the gutter.  This has nothing to do with getting yours and then giving him his, too.

What I’m saying is this:  Ladies–you want your womanhood and your capabilities and all of your potential to be recognized.  You are proud to be women and want to be treated like equals.  You wanted to be respected, to be treated like a woman, and to catch no flack for doing both.

And oddly enough, and contrary to prior postings, I don’t see a problem with this.  But we (women) complain that there are no good men left.  There is no more chivalry and manners and men treating women like ladies.

Reasons?  I think I have two.

  1. Read the bold description up top and tell me that doesn’t sound demanding as hell.  It’s intimidating!  Powerful women are great and all, but when you’re so set on gaining respect and making your own way, men are afraid they’re going to offend you if they try to treat you like a woman.
  2. Second reason is that women are failing miserable to treat men like men.  I was the first to ask where all the real men have gone.

And I think I’ve solved it.

Women, you want respect, which you deserve.  You also want to be treated like a lady.  So LET men treat you like a lady for one thing.  Even though you can change your own oil and make it to your meeting with a Supreme Court Justice just fine by yourself, let a guy take on some of the responsibilities for you.  They LIKE taking care of you.

With that said, ladies, if you want to be respected and treated like ladies, you have to do the same for men.  Treat a man like a man and respect him.  Not only that–recognize that he is a man.

I know this sounds sexist.  But really, on both ends, we need to recognize what the other wants us to see in them.

Although Mike (boyfriend) and I are best friends, we also know not to just treat each other like pals.  He surprises me with girly things like spa products, and he opens car doors and other chivalrous things, but he has no doubt that I am capable of doing these things myself.

It works in reverse, too.  I see Mike as my equal, but I also recognize that Mike’s a man and enjoys doing man things, and truth be told, I don’t mind having him get the heavier bags when we go shopping, or running out to get the car in the rain so my hair doesn’t get messed up.

I’m digging myself into a hole.  I like gender roles, and I know some of you defy them in any way you can.  But when it comes down to it, you DO have a gender and I think it’s nice when it’s recognized.

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Posted by on March 9, 2012 in Daily Happenings


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Toys and Gender Roles

My brother will probably kill me for putting this up here, but when I was younger, I had one of these Barbie styling heads.  After I fell asleep, my parents saw my brother army crawl into my bedroom, grab this thing by the hair, and army crawl it back across the hall to his own bedroom.  In the morning, they found the styling head next to him on the pillow, covered up to her plastic chin with my brother sleeping soundly beside her.

Now, my brother had all the typical boy toys, but once in awhile, he did something like this.  It made him no less manly.  He simply desired an object.  Bro turned out to be quite desired by the lady folk…and I think I know why.  I mean, as a toddler, he bedded BARBIE!


But we’re back to gender roles, here.  I’m sure you’ve all seen “Riley on Marketing” by now.  If not, here you go:

So Riley doesn’t understand why all the girls’ stuff is pink and all the boys’ stuff is all the other colors.  I kind of

I once knew a little boy whose sole purpose for becoming potty-trained was so he could pick out his own underwear.  And when his father took him to the store, he went straight for the Disney princesses.  He didn’t care if they were pink or had girls on them.  It was what he liked.understand her.  But Lord, just because something is pink doesn’t mean that girls HAVE to buy it, and that boys can’t.  I mean, when I was a kid, my Barbies played with my brother’s Batman and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figurines all the time.  And if I wanted my own Batman, I could have had one.  Hell, I had a Vac-Man from Stretch Armstrong.

So I have to say that I’m not sure color completely deters children from wanting what they want.

This article asks:

So who has it right? Should gender be systematically expunged from playthings?

NO!  Toys are toys, damnit.  It’s not like I didn’t know a billion little girls with Legos, K’Nex, Lincoln Logs, toy cars, Nerf guns, and all the other fun boy stuff.  At the same time, I also knew tons of little boys who used Barbie as GI Joe’s girlfriend.  But if you took away my girly toys when I was younger, I would have FLIPPED.

Toys can be gender-specific!  And kids can (and will) play with whatever they want, regardless of color, or shape, or of who it’s marketed to.

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Posted by on January 4, 2012 in Daily Happenings


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What to Expect When You’re Blah Blah Blah…

Yeah yeah yeah, you’re already offended.  Take this all with a grain of salt, as I have never been pregnant, and have never been a mother.

I don’t understand all this crazy “read every book-buy every new gadget-try every new fad” approach to parenting.  Have we not survived years without books on what to expect?  I mean, seriously, my cousins were talking about all of the things you aren’t supposed to do while you’re pregnant and my mom looked at me and said, “I did all of that…”  Then all the tests that they can do before the kid is born?  It’s crazy!

And then once that baby actually is born…it gets worse.  Baby yoga?

WTF is baby yoga?  Let the kid play and take the time to play with it.  There’s its exercise!  Not giving your kids gender roles to follow?  Not disciplining them?  Not letting them get hurt and learning what not to do?  Rushing over every time they bounce on their padded little asses?  Because society tells you to “let their children choose for themselves” and that discipline is “abuse”.  To each their own, though, I guess…

My point is, don’t get over-educated and buy into so much crap just because you “read” about it.  Instinct is good.  You don’t need a book to teach you instinct.


Posted by on December 29, 2011 in Raising My Youngins


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“A Good Wife Always Knows Her Place” Hell, even I don’t believe that.

My friend Greg sent me this yesterday.  You can click it to see it a little bit bigger.

Click to see the larger version

Now, I’m sure you all know that I long for some sort of return to the 1950’s housewife…but in order for you to see (ahem, Jarvis) that I am somewhat level-headed about gender roles, women’s rights, and all that bullshit, I will say this:

About 1/4 of the things on this list are CRAP.

  • For instance:  Eliminating all noise?  Pfff.  A noisy house is a happy house.  It’s kind of on par with what Roseanne says in her sitcom when someone walks into her house:  “Excuse the mess, but we live here.”  Damn straight.
  • Second instance of crap:  “Listen to him.  You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first–remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.”  HA HA HA.  My ass.
  • Third instance:  “Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.”  Ha.  Yeah, that’s how you enable him to cheat.  Letting him go out without question.
  • Fourth crappier instance:  “Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.  Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.”  He’s not a child–he’s a man.  And although there’s a fine line between the two, he can take off his own damn shoes.
  • CRAPPIEST instance:  “You have no right to question him.”  My ass.  I do, so.

So you can all shut up about me single-handedly setting us women back to the 1950’s.  I only wanna go 3/4 of the way back.

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Posted by on December 14, 2011 in Domesticity


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A Funny Story About My Heater…

So, if you’ll recall, I challenged myself not to turn on my heat until after Thanksgiving.  Yes?  And I succeeded!  Just a tiny space heater kept me warm until Thanksgiving…or so I thought.

On Friday, Mike showed up at my apartment and we went to the Winking Lizard for dinner.  We hung out with my friend Greg and some other folks, and then went home.  Mike asked me, “Why haven’t you turned on your heat yet?”

…I thought I had.  We began investigating the thermostat.  It clicked when we moved it, but the auto setting wouldn’t turn on the fan.  And then when we turned it on, it simply blew cold air.  It was too late to do anything about it, and the next morning we were going to my parents’ house, so we just called the next day.  They didn’t call back until I made it home, and then they said they’d send someone to look at it.

When we returned on Sunday, it was 57 degrees in there.  They hadn’t fixed it.  I paged the emergency number (to no avail) and Mike (my manly manly man who had spent all day buying chainsaws and cutting wood with my father) took the damn furnace apart and figured out that I had never lit my pilot light.  Duuurrrrr.

So he lit it, fired up my heater, and you all can thank him for the fact that I am here at work today, blogging on my lunch break, and not frozen somewhere in my apartment.

Thanks for being so manly, baby!  And for cutting wood and fixing my heater.  😉

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Posted by on December 12, 2011 in Daily Happenings


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A Womanly Challenge?

So last night, I watched Parenthood, got all pouty and drove to the mall.  I bought leather cleaner for my purse (because damnit, I paid enough for it and I’m going to keep it looking gorgeous) and a pumpkin spice latte.  Because I wasn’t quite done with Fall yet.

Then I got home, cleaned my purse, drank a little (read:  a little more than a little) wine, and got on Facebook.  This is where things took a turn.

I asked my Facebook friends to give me a womanly challenge, maybe 10 or so womanly things that I could learn throughout the course of December.  And you all responded with:

  • Shave my legs (something I do on a daily basis 😉 )
  • Make myself dinner without using the microwave
  • Learn to love a vampire (from my Twi-turd cousin, Meghan,  to which I responded, “That’s not womanly, just silly!)
  • Learn to do counted cross stitch or some other form of thread-art / Make an afghan
  • Not just cooking, but BAKING (which I am more excited about
  • Host a dinner party
  • Amish women’s chores:  milk a cow, churn butter, grind flour, stoke an oven, and take care of my 12 children and bearded husband (this may prove to be difficult, but I told Tori that if she can find an Amish who will make me an apprentice for the day, I’m IN.)
  • Quit cursing so much…or forever and then buy a new purse with every dollar I put in a jar for swearing
  • Wear pearls (let’s make this happen, and not in a perverted way)
  • Have an Amish baby (I’m not sure I could let something that grew inside of me go)
  • Be a nanny (for Tori, again 😉 )
  • Babysit in exchange for learning how to field dress a deer …  I would babysit for free, Tor.  😉
  • Burp in a lady-like fashion…  (I tend to belch)
  • Make a baby (As soon as I get hitched, I’m on it, Rach!

There’s plenty I could learn to do.  Maybe I’ll whittle the list down today.

I must say that there were plenty of comments that said, “Just do what you do.”  I’ll take that, but I do wanna learn some womanly tasks.  For the sake of letting everyone’s voice be heard, here was another comment from my friend from work:  “not down playing ur idea here…just playing devil’s advocate for a sec…why not challenge yourself to learn something new that is “manly”. Go sit in the woods in freezing temps and bring home a deer, fix the sink, etc. I mean after all Women are expected to do what ever task is set in front of them….so would that not be womanly?”

I like this idea, and I think that maybe in January, I will learn some of the manly tasks (holy stepping out of my gender role!) that I respect so much in men.


Posted by on December 1, 2011 in Domesticity


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Why I Fail at Being My Definition of a Woman

Here’s where you all get to attack me, since I attack many of the things that ya’ll do.  So I’m going to attack myself for a change.

I continuously talk about what I think men should be:  strong, independent, lumberjackish, able to grow facial hair, broad-shouldered, rough-handed, handy around the house, etc.  Maybe it’s not so much what I think men should be, but rather I describe the type of men that I am attracted to.

Many of my rants spawn from the fact that I see gender roles disappearing, and I still stand by the by the fact that I think this world needs gender roles to continue on with any sort of organization.

The point of this post, though, is that while I do fall into my ideal of female thought, I do not act as though I think a woman should act.  Let me explain.  I think men should be all of those above characteristics…  I also think women should possess certain characteristics and skills.  And here’s the big moment:  MANY OF WHICH I DO NOT.

I want to be this...only blonde.

That’s right, I’m a hypocrite.  Here is why I fail at being my definition of a woman:

  • I do not cook.  (I don’t rightly see the need to cook as I live alone…and I am holding out to learn it until I get married.)
  • I’m not really that crafty.  (Yeah, you saw my sweater. And I can crochet single stitches. But that’s about the extent of it.)
  • I only own one apron…and I’ve worn it once.
  • I do not clean my house in a cute dress and make-up.  (I wish I did…I might once I actually live with Mike.)
  • I cuss like a sailor.
  • I drink like one, too.  And not martinis.  I like beer.  I think I redeem myself on this one, though, with the mass amounts of wine I drink.
  • I do not get excited about kitchen appliances (except refrigerators).

Maybe I’m not the woman I want to be yet, because I don’t feel like a full-fledged woman.  I feel like a college kid, still.  I live in an apartment, alone, so there’s no reason to cook.  And no reason to get all gussied up to spend my evenings alone.

I honestly think I will feel like a woman when I have a home of my own (then I will really get excited about kitchen appliances) and when I can cook for someone.  I will especially feel like a woman when I have children.  I’m in a weird sort of limbo right now.  I guess we’ll see how this turns out.


Posted by on November 30, 2011 in Domesticity


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What Happened to HERITAGE?!

So I’m back at it again.  Hyphenating in all its stupidity.

I found this article about how many children these days have to deal with hyphenated names…and even combining a mother and father’s last name to a whole brand new name.  WTF!

See what could happen?

No no no.  This is bullshit.  I’ll give you hyphenating over combining, but seriously.  Here’s what I’m thinking:  At one point, man (and I mean mankind/womankind/shut-the-hell-up-kind) decided to simplify things, to make families one, to give them the same last name.  That is why women take their husbands’ last names.  That is why children are given the same last name.

Yes, I realize that at one point, men were considered to be the superior sex.  The way I see it, men are superior at some things and women are superior at some things.  But in history, men were just considered to be superior, so they got the rights to the last name.  Big farkin’ deal.

My problem with hyphenating and combining stems from something much deeper than gender/sex arguments.  We’re losing heritage!  How the hell are those ancestry seekers going to trace their heritage if everyone goes all willy-nilly and invents and hyphenates names?  Why can’t we just follow tradition in all its simplicity and just take our husbands’ names?  I just don’t get it.  Seriously.  It’s complicating things like you wouldn’t believe.

That is all.


Posted by on November 28, 2011 in Domesticity


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On why I write about men…

My most popular blog posts are about men.  Things men do that are sexy.  Things that men should wear.  Sexy occupations that men employ.

Occasionally I write about women, usually in the context of men, and usually telling them to quit their bitching or to quit being feminists.  If it is not evident, or if you are a new reader, I am in fact a woman.  I do woman things for the most part.  My ovaries glow if I’m around a baby.  I have pretty much planned my wedding.  I will fawn over romantic characters like Mr. Darcy.

I could talk about women in today’s society, but the truth is that it doesn’t excite me.  Yay for women and their rights.  Woopdeedoo.  The truth is that I am much more interested in what is happening to our men these days.  And by interested, I mean pissed off.

Women have fought for decades to gain the same rights as men.  Good job, ladies.  You made yourselves very masculine in some aspects.  Think the power suit.  You gave yourself big shoulders and angled bodies–much like men in business suits.

In trying to gain so much power, you emasculated men.  (I slip into second person here, because I am talking to a generation before my time that I do not feel a part of.)  So as men become more feminized, it’s kind of like, “Hm…we’re all going to a genderless neutral state.”

I don’t like it.

We all know that I’m a big fan of gender roles and I mourn their demise.  And as much as many of my readers may not believe it, I don’t have any problem with successful, independent women.  I just wish stay-at-home-moms and more traditional roles for women weren’t looked down upon.

I am more interested, however, in reviving the traditional man.  We’re losing it.  We’re losing that Brawny man that our fathers were, and I, like The Art of Manliness, just want to keep that glorious state of man alive.

And that is why I write about men.


Posted by on November 7, 2011 in Domesticity


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