Tag Archives: panic attacks

The Case of the Missing Cardinals

I was a lil nervous.  I hadn’t seen a cardinal in a really long time, and if you’ll remember, I believe my late Uncle Grandma comes around me in the form of a cardinal.  After Mike interviewed for a job here, she disappeared.  Of course I wanted to think (and still think) that she was doing work.  I think she must have been pulling magical strings trying to get my darling boyfriend to me.

But I got nervous.  The fact that she came around was the only thing that calmed me from my panic attacks.  So when she quit coming around, I started looking for reasons.

I’m glad to say that the streak is over.  I was on a run yesterday in Fremont, and the wind was ridiculous and it was muggy and I felt like crap.  I didn’t want to go any further.  I got to the point in my track where I could take a shortcut back home…but as I went to turn, I heard the chirping.  I turned, and against the bark of a maple standing on a branch was the most brilliant red cardinal.  BRILLIANT.

I’m going to say it’s safe to assume that she was telling me not to give up on my run, or on the fact that Mike will get here.  So I took the long way on the trail and saw two more cardinals along the way.

I tried to take a picture, but she kept fluttering away.  I guess it’s not something you can capture by hand or by film…but I feel better.

So I’ll pray this week that Mike hears back and that Uncle Grandma’s absence was warranted.


Posted by on April 16, 2012 in Daily Happenings


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White Coat Syndrome – Big Time

POST APPOINTMENT UPDATE:  I didn’t flip out! My blood pressure was 118/78 and my heart rate was 68 beats per minute.  SCORE.  Oh, and no death sentence.

My at-rest pulse rate is 62 beats per minute.  My blood pressure? I don’t remember the numbers, but it’s pretty darn low.  But as soon as I step into a doctors’ office (my pulse is rising right now just writing about it), I go INSANE.  I get hypertension.  My pulse races.  My head gets fuzzy.

It’s true.  I have White Coat Syndrome.

Today, I have to go to the doctor.  And there’s nothing wrong with me–it’s just a new patient appointment.  She’s probably not even going to take my blood pressure…but I am FREAKING out.

I don’t know if you know this, but I hate doctors.  Well, hate is a strong word, but I do hate the power that they have over me. I mean, they can look at me and say, “You’ve got 2 months…” and that’s it.  I’m done.  They’re couriers of bad news.

I have no reason to think that there is something wrong with me.  My panic attacks are mostly gone from two summers ago, but I’m not even kidding, my chest is tightening up.  And all I have to do is fill out paperwork!


I’ll let you know when I get back if I have 2 months to live.

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Posted by on February 9, 2012 in Daily Happenings


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