Tag Archives: raising kids

Stupidest Baby Products I’ve Ever Seen

I was going to start this post with an apology to any parents who use these things…but it wouldn’t be sincere.

These are the stupidest items I’ve ever seen.  Quit coddling your kids into weakness!

(All photos courtesy of

1)  Kneekers:  knee pads for your nuggets.  Seriously? Kids are meant to crawl around, and their knee caps are squishy specifically for that purpose.  OMG they got a callus!  Shut up.

2)  Thudguard Protective Helmet:  Um…  What?  Kids bump their heads.  Get over it.

3)  The Juppy Baby Walker:  Really parents?  Are you that lazy?  Bend the fuck over and teach your kids to walk.

You people sicken me.

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Posted by on May 2, 2012 in Raising My Youngins


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TOLD YOU SO: DIRT is Good For You!

Thanks to my friends over at The Social Silo for bringing this to my attention:  playing in the dirt is actually good for you!  

According to a study by Oregon State University, “Little girls growing up in western society are expected to be neat and tidy – “all ribbon and curls” – and one researcher who studies science and gender differences thinks that emphasis may contribute to higher rates of certain diseases in adult women.”

Photo Property of The Social Silo

It’s a pretty entertaining read.  Plus, if I remember correctly, I told you to let your kids play in the dirt long ago.

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Posted by on April 10, 2012 in Raising My Youngins


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Apparently, They’re Called “Helicopter Parents”

Apparently they’re called “Helicopter Parents”.  And apparently “Helicopter Parents” are a bigger problem than I was aware of.

They’re such a problem, in fact, that due to an influx of said “Helicopter Parents”, kids in Colorado Springs, CO will not be able to participate in the annual Easter Egg Hunt.  IT’S CANCELLED!  Why?  Because of the “aggressive parents who swarmed into the tiny park last year, determined that their kids get an egg.”  I’m not kidding.

Apparently, “Helicopter Parents” refuse to let their children fail at anything–including Easter Egg hunts.  But it gets worse.  Not only are these parents taking away fun activities from their kids, but they’re also taking away all of their chances to learn anything for themselves.

I have no problem with parents that take an interest in their kids’ lives–but come on!  I don’t think kids should “win” at everything.  Losing builds character.  Making mistakes allows kids to learn.  Trying things and not being afraid to try them gives kids opportunities.  None of these things are possible with overprotective parents hovering around every turn.

I know this is pretty much what I talked about last Friday, but it deserves a second post.  Hovering.  Pfff.

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Posted by on March 26, 2012 in Raising My Youngins


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Today’s New Psychotic Parent Trend: It’s Not Even Safe to Play at Home

Whenever my parents/aunts/uncles/grandparents/etc. hear about a new safety feature or rule regarding children, they always say, “I don’t know how we’re alive, or how you kids are alive for that matter.”

And as soon as I read this article, I thought, “Well son of a bitch.  If the world is so damn dangerous, how are we all still here, and how is the world so overpopulated?”

I had an “I am my mother” moment.  Which is perfectly fine.

BUT SERIOUSLY!  This stupid bitch finds out she’s pregnant, enters every product in her house into some stupid internet database, and threw out $25 lipsticks and a ton of other stuff because they were “toxic.”  Her thoughts (my paraphrase): “OMG PANIC what could these be doing to my baby?!”

Shut up.  You’re overprotective and clingy and you need a reality check.

Good God!  I mean, can we say first world problems?  “My poor snowflake has PVC in her mobile above her crib!”  Really?  Kids in Africa are living without homes, and you’re worried about PVC?

We all grew up with lead paint and asbestos, and pretty sure that no one stopped me from riding on the back shelf of my aunt’s two-door Mazda, and no one kept us from riding 7 kids in a Jeep Wrangler with no seat belts…or roof for that matter.  I ate dirt, played with bugs, ingested unknown liquids from the driveway, fell down, climbed trees, got away with not washing my hands, chewed on my crib, and God knows what else.

And guess what–I AM ALIVE!  And healthy.  And I have a job and take care of myself.

I’m not against taking care of your nuggets, people, but really?  I can’t handle these nutty ass folks.

Here’s what I think you ought to do:

Don’t let them drink stuff from under the sink.  That’s it.  Ugh.


Posted by on March 23, 2012 in Raising My Youngins


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Raising My Youngins’: The Basics for Boys

I love love love reading 1001 Rules for My Unborn Son, and I agree with the majority of them.  I love how specific they are, from “You can’t serenade a girl on the drums” to a Buddy Garrity quote:  “He loves football.  He just doesn’t know it yet.”

And while I am not that detailed, I thought I’d make a list of the basic things I know I will teach my son(s).  This may get long, and it may get more detailed, but hell, that’s just how I am.  I’m going to try to keep this away from the “how to treat women” side of things.

  1. Don’t hit girls.  (Broke my rule already.  This is the only one.)
  2. Dress for the occasion (hunting boots in the woods, suits in church).
  3. You can cry, but make sure it’s warranted.
  4. Don’t piss into the wind.  Or in front of women.
  5. Watch Indiana Jones.
  6. Go outside.
  7. Learn to hunt.
  8. Learn to fish.
  9. Learn to work on cars.
  10. Tell the truth.
  11. Don’t put yourself in situations you know you can’t get out of safely.
  12. Play baseball.
  13. Climb trees.
  14. Wrestling on TV is not real.
  15. Always come home when someone is sick.
  16. Read a book once in awhile.
  17. Always bring at least a 6-pack.
  18. Spiral a football–don’t just throw it.

Aaaand I’m tired, and am ready for the weekend.  So have a great Memorial Day Weekend!  See you Tuesday!


Posted by on May 27, 2011 in Raising My Youngins


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