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Top Five Men-Producing Countries

It’s been awhile since I’ve been crude and talked about men like the pieces of (glorious) meat that they are.

So today, I will give you the Top Five Men-Producing Countries.  WTF does that mean?  It means the countries that produce the type of men that I would like to date.  So…here we go.

Top Five Men-Producing Countries (in no specific order):

1)  Iceland – Manly men.  Manly manly manly.  Like Hermann Hreiðarsson.  6ft 3in of man right there.

2)  Ireland – Fun, drunk, and dead sexy.  Like Colin Farrell.  Bad.  Ass.

3)  Canada – Strong, toothless, wonderful.  And bearded.  Like Carrie Underwood’s husband Mike Fisher.

And Dave Salmoni:

4)  Denmark – Um…what?  Where the hell did Nikolaj Coster-Waldau come from?  And why is he not on my Guilt-Free Three?

5)  Australia – Golden, blonde, beautiful.  Caine Eckstein?  Yeah.  I’ll forgive the belly shirt for this guy.

And Chris Hemsworth:

And the good ole USA for Josh Holloway:

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Posted by on May 18, 2012 in Daily Happenings

 

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Sexy Occupations…for Women?

My friend Chris has brought it to my attention that there “are no sexy female occupations.”  I thought about sexy male occupations:  carpenters, musicians, landscapers, masons, electricians, mechanics.  Does this sound familiar?  It should.  So what characteristics of these jobs make them so sexy?  Here ya go:

  1. Hard work:  Who doesn’t love to see a man at work?  Getting stuff done?
  2. Flexing:  These jobs allow a man to use his muscles.  And it allows me to watch.
  3. Sweating:  I love a man shining with sweat.  Go ahead, take your shirt off.
  4. Harmony between man and his work:  It’s something about how a man can manipulate one thing into another, how he can physically work on something to make it work again.  It’s like they understand the materials they’re working with.
  5. The final product:  Whether it’s a song or a house, a brick wall or a beautifully landscaped yard, something wonderful has been accomplished.  And as beautiful as the process was with all those flexing muscles and sweat, the final product is amazing.
So there’s gotta be an equivalent for women’s occupations, right?  After talking with a few men, (and explaining to them that we were not going to include strippers in this list, although it is a damn sexy occupation), this is the list of characteristics that would make a female occupation sexy according to three men that I interviewed.
  1. Taking care of someone/something:  What’s sexier than showing you care about someone or something?
  2. A flattering “uniform”:  You knew it was going here.
  3. Ambition:  Men like a woman who is going to work for what she wants.
  4. Brains:  It’s not just about the boobs!  They want to have intelligent conversations sometimes, too. (I’m starting to feel very shallow with my reasons for jobs being sexy.)
  5. Talent:  It’s sexy to see a woman who is good at what she does.
So it comes down to this.  Here is the list of sexy female occupations:
  1. Bartenders:  They serve you beer!  And they’re usually dressed kinda sexy.
  2. Athletes (particularly volleyball & soccer):  Driven, ambitious, and talented.
  3. Masseuses:  I almost didn’t let this one in, except that their job is about taking care.
  4. Nurses:  I think a lot of this is the male fantasy of a dirty nurse.  But they do take care of you.
  5. Librarians/Teachers:  Same with this one.  Dirty dirty boys.
  6. Oral Hygienists:  I can’t explain this one.
  7. Mechanic:  Apparently women with tools turns men on as much as men with tools turns women on.
  8. Professionals:  A lady in a business suit with an iPad and an agenda gives off that sexy vibe.
  9. Housewives:  Taking care of house, husband, and children–she does it all.  And if it’s the 1950’s, she still dresses like June Cleaver, which I think we can all agree is super sexy.
Happy Thursday!
 
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Posted by on October 20, 2011 in Domesticity, The Book of Love

 

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Sexy Occupations

Mapper – Maybe I’m a little biased, and sure, maybe Mike is the only mapper I’ve ever really known, but MAPPING IS SEXY!  Maybe it’s because I think that the land is sexy, but a man who has direction and never makes you worry about being lost.  Someone who can tell you what that rock formation is called, that right there is where the glaciers stopped coming down in the Ice Age.  Someone who can judge distance, and someone who has a bigger picture in mind than just what they’re looking at.  It’s sexy when a man is interested in the location of things, how they lie, and when they point out a shape in nature that mirrors the shape of a woman’s body…

Landscaper  – Like I said, land is sexy.  And when you’re trying to make the land more beautiful, you get more sexy points!  And if you’re working in the dirt, you’re probably getting a little warm.  And if you’re getting warm, well, you’re probably shiny with sweat.  And shiny sweaty dirty (in terms of actual dirt) men are darn near my favorite type of men.  Plus, he can bring home extra flowers.  And what woman doesn’t love that?  And I hate to sound hippyish, but it’s pretty freaking cool to watch a guy commune with nature.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that landscapers are outside a lot, so they’re tan.  BONUS!

Mechanic – Anyone else noticing a trend here?  Mechanics work with their hands.  They get grimy and sweat (am I gross for liking this?).  They FIX things.  That’s what I like.  I like when men can fix things.  When they can do something with their hands and the results are visible.  I love love love that.  And I’m hyper-aware of the noises my car makes, so if I can say, “Hey, it sounded like this,” and then make some onomatopoetic noise and the man knows what’s wrong, well.  Dang.  Anyone who is that in tune with a machine deserves sexy points.

Musician – Lucky for me, Mike can also play guitar.  Call me pervy, but it’s pretty sexual watching a man play an instrument.  It’s kind of like the mechanic-that musician knows that guitar, or piano, or drum set better than he probably knows himself.  And the care they take the play it, to learn it, to make it wail.  Rawr.

What do you like to watch men do?


 
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Posted by on May 6, 2011 in Daily Happenings

 

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My Favorite Parts of the Body-Female and Male

Well, I did my least favorite parts of the body.  I ought to address my favorites.  You can go ahead and call me sexist now, because I appreciate far less on the female body than I do on the male body.  Or maybe it’s because I’m just wildly attracted to the male species.

So we’ll start with chicks:

Because I do not look at the details of females, these will be more of an overview:
•  The general silhouette of women is pretty.  I like the hips, I like the dips, and I think that if a woman lies on her side, she generally looks like the hills in the Appalachian Mountains.  It’s very natural to me.
•  I can always appreciate a good, shiny head of hair.
•  …that’s it.  It’s not that I don’t find women beautiful; it’s just that I’d rather spend my time oggling men.  They are far more intriguing to me.

But men on the other hand?  MEN?!  Well I could just go on and on.  I suppose the best way to do this would be to approach it in the way that I look at men.  So let’s set this up.  I’m sitting at a patio bar, and the sun is shining and there’s a cool westerly wind.  The margarita tastes divine and I’m feelin’ good in my skin.  And then he walks in.

Of course I covertly give him a once over.  At that point, I go for the hands.

•  Hands I do this for multiple reasons.  First of all, if I end up dating this guy, those are the hands he’s going to be using to hold my hand, to move the hair out of my face, and a few other things, so they’ve gotta be good hands.  What constitutes as good hands?  Strong ones.  Ones that aren’t lotioned and lathered, but callused and rough.  Thick fingers, short fingernails, and some scars are always a nice addition.  The point is that good man hands demonstrate work and ability.  They can withstand struggles and move mountains.  I respect dirt and oil that is permanently in the creases of their palms, and I even forgive dirt under the fingernails.  It’s just so hot.  I also look to see if there’s a wedding ring.  While it’s unintentional and DARN sexy, I do respect marriage and will immediately discount him.

•  Height Height is important to me.  It’s shallow, and it makes me a bitch (I’m not doing so well at the not cussing bit)?  So be it.  It’s not exactly a body part, but it’s a culmination of body parts–long legs, long arms, long torso, just HEIGHT.

•  Shoulders Broad broad broad.  Broad enough to support weight and bulk.  I’ve seen men in my life lug bags of salt down the steps to the water softener, carry luggage, children, barrels, kegs, adults, ME.  I’ve been carried over broad shoulders, and I’m not bean pole.  To me, broad shoulders signify strength and courage.  I don’t know why they resemble courage, just roll with it.  If you’ve ever tried to settle your head on a not-broad shoulder, you know how unsatisfying it is.  To lie down in the crook of a mine’s arm, put your head onto his shoulder and fall asleep…well that’s just one of the things heaven is made of.

Jawline A strong jawline says a lot about a man.  Again, it’s a strength thing.  A prestige thing.  A man with a strong jawline eats jerky and speaks his mind.  He defends others.  He gets angry, and diffuses it by gritting his teeth.  I love seeing a man work his jaw when he’s trying to change a tire or raise a barn.

Beard This kind of goes with jawline, but I am completely into a man who has the ability to grow a beard.  This does not mean I want Paul Bunyan kissing me goodnight, but I do require a little scruff.  My boyfriend has a goatee, and if he doesn’t have an important meeting for a job interview, he lets that five o’clock shadow grow for a couple days.  And I couldn’t be more grateful.  Something about kissing someone with stubble that reminds you, “Hey, you’re with a man.”

•  Chest hair Which leads me to chest hair.  It’s not a requirement, but it sure gets you major bonus points.  And men who are out there shaving or waxing your chests–QUIT IT.  If you can’t grow chest hair, it’s cool.  It wasn’t in your genes.  But if you can, by God let that forest GROW!  If I wanted to date someone who shaved more than his face, I’d date a woman.

Smile I’m a sucker for a crooked smile.

Eyes For leering eyes, the kind that can give you chills from across the room.

•  Butt Most men don’t have them, but when they do, mmhmm.  That’s part of the reason I go to baseball games.

•  Long hair… Mike is going to get so annoyed with me for putting this one on here…seeing as he doesn’t have really long hair.  He did at one time, and if I can scrounge up some files of Mike’s old hair, I will gladly post them.  The long hair thing isn’t a necessity either, but there’s something wild about a man who’ll let it grow like that.  Something untamed that just begs for me to make him fall in love with me.   (Sorry for the influx of Brad Pitt here at the end, but he’s a mighty fine example of everything I love–especially in Legends of the Fall.)

What revs you up?

 
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Posted by on April 11, 2011 in Daily Happenings

 

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Men in Jeans–NOT TIGHTS!

So yesterday, I discussed what men should wear from the waist up.  But we all know that the waist down is just as important.  If you ask me, jeans are by far the sexiest thing a man can wear, but oh there are a multitude of jeans!  Thank God for that, because different jeans do different things to a man.

The right pair of jeans can knock any guy up at least 3 points.  Here are my picks:

The Carpenter Jeans

Carpenter jeans are for utility, for work, for comfort.  They’re the jeans that a man wears when he might be rough neckin‘, or lounging.  They’re the all purpose jean.  On the right guy, they can they can make a butt look amazing, and with the right shoes (see left), hot darn.

Good ole Jeans

They’re just your regular pair of jeans.  They sit low on the waist, they’re a little fitted through the thigh, and they’re loose around the ankles.  You know how you guys whine about mom jeans?  Well, sometimes you guys can wear dad jeans, and it just ain’t right.  So no no no.  Good ole, loose, over the shoes jeans.

The Wrangler

Them goldang Wranglers!  The cowboy, the rodeo man, the chap-wearin’, hat-tossin’, country-singin’ MMM.  Now don’t get me wrong–Wranglers can be worn incorrectly, and I’ve been a witness to it.  But on a skinny lil country boy, they work.

BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD ANY MAN EVER WEAR THIS:

The Skinny Jean

What the HECK are these?  They break every rule!  Men, are you trying to make yourselves infertile?  SERIOUSLY.  Now, I know Wranglers are tight, but if you ever look (and I’m not tellin’ you to go out and stare at Wranglered crotches), but even WRANGLERS have more room in the front than skinny jeans!  I’m not kidding you.  Are you wearing tights?  MEN WEAR JEANS, NOT TIGHTS.

Now, I’m all for men in a pair of good-fitting jeans.  And I’ve actually seen men pull off skinny jeans and look okay (YOU, ST. JOHN!).  But ya’ll, you aren’t girls.  They’re too tight around the ankles, they’re too tight around your scrawny little thighs, and they’re too tight around your everything else.  Please, just do the world, and yourself, and your future children a favor, and give up on the skinny jean.  Please?

 
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Posted by on March 15, 2011 in Domesticity

 

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What Men Should Wear Above the Waist

Ladies–have you ever been walking through a store, or a sprint car race, or your neighborhood, and seen a man wearing exactly what makes you look at him and say, “Wow, now that’s a man”?

I have.  A lot.  And I’m not even sure it’s about, “Yeah, that’s a man,” so much as it really shows that the man knows who he is.  So without further ado, here are the clothes that men wear above the waist that make me turn to look twice (below the waist–jeans, you pervs–will be discussed in tomorrow’s blog):

The Carhartt Boy

Gimme a Carhartt, any Carhartt.  A man who wears a Carhartt is a headturner–most of the time.  To me, the Carhartt suggests a willingness to go out and work, to do hard labor, to bare those blue collar roots.  Rawr. These are your farmers (we all know how I feel about farmers).  These are the men who work with the earth, who bring forth crops, who stock the deep freeze with venison.  And then they’ll change the oil in your car before dinner.  🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Best Man

I dare you to try to resist a man in a tux.  It’s darn near impossiblebecause even the scummiest of men get better when they put on a tux.  Maybe it’s the male camaraderie or the way they stand a little taller, a little straighter.  It’s good to know that even the roughest and tumbliest of men can clean up for the right occasion.  Not to mention, once they start dancing, they look ultra good because the jacket comes off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Brawny Man

He’s kinda like the Carthartt guy, but he’s tough enough to not need a coat.  There’s something woodsy and welcoming about flannel, especially flannel against a rock hard chest.  This is the guy who will protect you against bears and mayflies, the guy who’d just pick you up and throw you over his shoulder to cross a river.  This is the guy who you trust completely to make a fire out of nothing, and to build you a lean-to.  This is who the Hatchet kid would grow up to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Plain White T-Shirt Guy

Maybe it’s because the white t-shirt is an undergarment, or maybe it’s because it just fits so darn (I gave up cussing for Lent) well, but Plain White T-Shirt Guy is good under any circumstances.  Think about it–whether it’s the deep-V shirt with a nice, stylish pair of jeans, or a white t-shirt stained with oil from working under a car and paired with carpenter jeans, well by golly I just can’t think of anything better.  You can dress it up, you can dress it down, and you simply can’t go wrong–unless it’s got those funky yellow pit stains.  Watch out for that, guys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Backwards Hat Guy

Oh Backwards Hat Guy, you make my heart melt.  Probably because you’re playful and manly all at the same time.  It’s cute when you get all excited about sports, and it’s cuter when you have a dimple in your chin like the guy to the left.  Rawr to you, as well.  Backwards Hat Guy is usually Plain White T-Shirt Guy, in case you were wondering.

PS, I think hat hair is kinda cute.

Those are my Top 5.  Maybe I’ll add as I figure this out.  What do you like to see on a man?


 
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Posted by on March 14, 2011 in Domesticity

 

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Things Men Do That Are Unintentionally Sexy

**updated list**

I think the title is pretty self-explanatory.  Sure, abs and badass cars still fire me up, but as I’ve aged, my taste has changed.  Of course, these are all things that *I* find sexy–and you probably won’t agree.

1)  Wearing a wedding ring.

2)  Staring off into the distance.

3)  Driving with one arm out the window.

4)  Leaning against a vehicle.

5)  Throwing up a hand to wave at a passing car.

6)  Opening a beer for a woman.

7)  Holding a baby.

8)  Having friends that just stop by.

9)  Respect shown in silence.

10)  Being the guy people go to for something (car repairs, hauling, advice).

11)  Dancing, especially with a kid.

12)  Coaching a kids’ sports team.

13)  Playing a sport–any sport.

14)  Humoring someone.

15)  Standing back to admire work they’ve just done.

16)  Having a dog, and palling around with it.

17)  Grabbing the heavier item that needs to be carried.

18)  Washing the car (okay, that’s sexy intentionally, too).

19)  Tapping a foot to a song.

20)  Reaching for you in the middle of the night.

21)  Building a fire.

22)  Having faith.

That is all.  🙂

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2011 in Domesticity

 

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