Tag Archives: technology

If you can’t PARALLEL PARK, get off the road.

Okay, I have to say it–those farking cars that parallel park for you are going to RUIN THE HUMAN RACE.  Seriously?  Have we really lost the ability to parallel park ourselves?  Can we do nothing on our own anymore?  It’s not that farking hard!

And if you have your license and you’ve passed your maneuverability test, well damnit, you ought to be able to parallel park.

I am all for technology, people.  I work in it, I use it, I love it.  But at what point do we become helpless bags of skin that can’t even breathe without a machine?  But parking is something different.  Driving a car is a religious experience–one that shouldn’t be messed with.

Driving is the merging of man and machine, of power and control and force.  When I turned 16, nothing made me smile more than getting behind the wheel of my 1990 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera and motoring down the road.  I controlled how fast I went, when I stopped, where I went.  I parked my car.  It was my machine to control.  And now we’re letting our cars control us.

Unacceptable.  If you can’t parallel park, get the hell off of the road.  If you can’t control a vehicle, I don’t want you behind the wheel.


Posted by on October 13, 2011 in Daily Happenings


Tags: , , , ,

Is Our Love of Technology Affecting Our Ability to Commit to Relationships?

Holy farking long title.

I committed to it.  So I let it go on and on and on.  Rawr.  Horrible joke.

Okay, so here’s what I know.  Divorce rates are up.  You’d think that with all the crazy things happening, with the war, with everything that we’d be more apt to stand by our men (or women, or whatever).  But they’re not.  And even marriage rates are down.

I know that a lot of this is probably due to the fact that no one can afford to get married.  Hell, I’m thinking of getting a divorce when my kids go to college just so I can get more financial aid for them.  I mean, I’ll still live with and love my husband, but we’ll have to get him a different “address” and pretend we hate each other.  Shut up.  We’re doing it for the kids.

But I honestly believe that people nowadays have a fear of commitment.  And while there are plenty of things to blame this on, in this moment, I choose to blame it on technology.  We are living in an age that signing a two-year contact with a phone company scares the bejeezus out of us.  As soon as a new iPhone comes out, we’re dying to get rid of our old one.  And if we’ve had our laptops/computers for more than a year and a half, we’re already 8 upgrades behind and Windows/Mac is onto a whole new system.  It’s freaking hard to keep up–no doubt.  And sometimes we hold off from buying new technology because we think, “Meh, the next one will be less buggy and certainly better.  And it will probably be here in 3 months!  I can wait three months…”

Not to mention that technology is making everything readily available.  So as soon as we want something, we get it, right?

Now let’s put this into perspective here in terms of relationships.  Say you’re dating a chick.  She’s hot, has good hair, makes you laugh, watches the football game with you, and bakes a mean apple pie.  But her feet are always cold and she insists on warming them on you in the middle of the night, and then there’s this thing she does when she’s eating that you just can’t stand.    Automatically, you think, “Oh, there’ll be a better version somewhere along the line here,” or, “If I could upgrade her…”

We’re so used to trading in devices because of features we don’t like or expectations that fall short that we’re doing it with people, too!  Technology saturates every part of our lives.  1/4 of relationships (or something like that) now start online.  Even dating is different because of technology.  I just wonder if our love of technology is affecting our ability to love a person–for longer than until the next “big thing” comes around…


Posted by on August 25, 2011 in Domesticity, The Book of Love


Tags: , , , ,

UPDATED: F*ck Technology – My Own Stupidity

***Update***  I type to you from my brand new computer!  $484 later…which is okay for what I got.  4G ram, 500G hard drive.  🙂  And a bunch of other things that the tech guys at work mentioned (something about i3?).  Anyway, I wanna thank Mike, that darling boyfriend of mine, for researching computers all last night and telling me what was the best deal and the best technology, for listening to my whine, for telling me that it will be okay, and that I will not die without a computer for one day.  And thanks to Tom, our IT wizard who is no doubt right now trying to save the photos from my old laptop.  And to Matt for his (somewhat unhelpful) input.  To Dustin, for riding with me to get the computer, telling me not to waste my time on the Geek Squad (I do work at a computer place, after all), and for answering my panicked questions about Google Chrome.  I have incredible friends.

Why do I feel like I just gave a speech for receiving an award?




Kidding.  I love technology.  But I hate how damn fragile it is.

I spilled my water on my laptop last night.  I am without a computer at home.  And without cable.  So I’m reading mostly, and staring at walls.

Tonight, I am going to buy a new computer.

Just thought you’d like to know that I’m an idiot.  And that I’m angry.



Posted by on June 15, 2011 in Daily Happenings


Tags: , , ,

I Wish My Car Did This

First of all, Happy St. Patrick’s Day.  Click here for the Horny Leprechaun (I’ve been watching this since college!).

I read a blog post this morning by my friend Danielle about the way that people have been driving lately, and I have to say that I agree with her.  People are morons on the road these days.  And it seems that the better the weather gets (62 and sunny today!), the worse that people drive.  Maybe it’s all the frustration breaking loose from days of driving on inches of ice and avoiding potholes (those still need to be fixed, Brunswick, Ohio), or maybe the sun gets under their skin and they just can’t help themselves.  Or maybe it’s putting the window down–because I know that does strange things to me.

But ever since I was 16, I started thinking about an inter-car communication system. This idea is patented.  If you try to steal it, I will sue you. It’s kind of like this:  You have a screen on your dashboard that detects all the immediate cars around you (kind of like a CB radio, but much more advanced).  If someone starts merging into your lane, you can touch that car on the screen and your voice would come through their speakers, and you could politely say, “Hey, please watch out.  I’m over here.”

Or what if they have a taillight out, and you’d like to let them know?  Or maybe you want to know what year their car is, or where they got it.  I don’t know how many times I see a car with a sticker on it advertising that they went to my college and I want to say, “Hey!  I did, too!”  We could use it to warn people of dangers up ahead, or say, “Hey, this lane’s icy!”  And can you imagine how polite merging could be?  Or what about a, “You in the Neon, quit texting!”

"Hey, check out that guy in the pick-up truck!"

Or have you ever been driving along and you keep passing someone and you know they’re doing it on purpose?  Or if you’re “car flirting” and you want to be like, “You’re cute, just thought you should know,” or “Hey!  Where ya headed?  Maybe we can meet up?”  I am well-aware that flirting with strangers is not a good idea.

I can see how this device could be used for evil, though:  Harassment, accidents, heck, even cops listening over the waves and fining you when warn others that they’re ahead.  All I’m saying is that it could help, and it could make traffic jams a heckuva lot more fun.

1 Comment

Posted by on March 17, 2011 in Uncategorized


Tags: , ,