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Greener Grass from the Window of a One-Bedroom Apartment?

Last night, I went out to Panini’s in Brunswick to celebrate my friend Greg‘s birthday.  As we were sitting around the fire pit on the patio, I got into a conversation about how I wanted out of my apartment and into…and how some of the guys around me wanted out of their houses and back into apartments.

Let’s get the facts down first:  I hate living in apartments.  I hate the people around me.  I hate the noise.  I hate shared walls. I hate having to unlock two doors to get to my place (even though that makes me feel safe).  My first apartment in Brunswick was pretty much underground…full of spiders…dark…damp.  I felt like a mushroom.

My second apartment is bigger–still on the first floor–but nonetheless, it is still an apartment.  It’s a two-bedroom, but I can honestly count the times I’ve opened the door to that second bedroom on one hand.

Now back to the bar conversation–the guys have houses-nice big houses-that I would kill for.  They have driveways and garages and yards.  They have a home–a reason to decorate and actually make it feel like a home.

Now me–I don’t have a yard.  I can’t even hang a bird-feeder for the cardinals.  I don’t have a balcony (1st floor), and I can’t open my windows because the fucking (white trash) smokers at the front door (who have awesome grammar and language skills, by the way) stand there and bitch and blow smoke into my windows.  I don’t normally judge–but seriously.  I am alone in my apartment.  I have all the time and space to myself.  And I hate it.

Now, the guys I was talking to–the ones with their nice houses and their yards–sometimes long to be back in the one-bedroom apartment stage of their lives.  WHY?!

Simplicity–yes, I understand that.  And that’s pretty much it.  I mean, I don’t get it.

But maybe it’s a gender roles thing.  Maybe men want to go back to that primitive way, and women want to move forward?  Maybe…  Or maybe it’s because I am alone and long for Mike to be with me in my living arrangement, and once you’re older and have been with someone for awhile, you want to go back to solitude.  I don’t know. I don’t get it.

All I know is that I can’t be bothered to decorate my apartment to make it feel like home because it isn’t home.  It’s a temporary place that will hold me until I can find a place with Mike to call home.

Maybe the grass is just never greener out of your current window.

 
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Posted by on April 5, 2012 in Daily Happenings

 

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Respect for Womanhood Requires Respect for Manhood

Get your darn minds out of the gutter.  This has nothing to do with getting yours and then giving him his, too.

What I’m saying is this:  Ladies–you want your womanhood and your capabilities and all of your potential to be recognized.  You are proud to be women and want to be treated like equals.  You wanted to be respected, to be treated like a woman, and to catch no flack for doing both.

And oddly enough, and contrary to prior postings, I don’t see a problem with this.  But we (women) complain that there are no good men left.  There is no more chivalry and manners and men treating women like ladies.

Reasons?  I think I have two.

  1. Read the bold description up top and tell me that doesn’t sound demanding as hell.  It’s intimidating!  Powerful women are great and all, but when you’re so set on gaining respect and making your own way, men are afraid they’re going to offend you if they try to treat you like a woman.
  2. Second reason is that women are failing miserable to treat men like men.  I was the first to ask where all the real men have gone.

And I think I’ve solved it.

Women, you want respect, which you deserve.  You also want to be treated like a lady.  So LET men treat you like a lady for one thing.  Even though you can change your own oil and make it to your meeting with a Supreme Court Justice just fine by yourself, let a guy take on some of the responsibilities for you.  They LIKE taking care of you.

With that said, ladies, if you want to be respected and treated like ladies, you have to do the same for men.  Treat a man like a man and respect him.  Not only that–recognize that he is a man.

I know this sounds sexist.  But really, on both ends, we need to recognize what the other wants us to see in them.

Although Mike (boyfriend) and I are best friends, we also know not to just treat each other like pals.  He surprises me with girly things like spa products, and he opens car doors and other chivalrous things, but he has no doubt that I am capable of doing these things myself.

It works in reverse, too.  I see Mike as my equal, but I also recognize that Mike’s a man and enjoys doing man things, and truth be told, I don’t mind having him get the heavier bags when we go shopping, or running out to get the car in the rain so my hair doesn’t get messed up.

I’m digging myself into a hole.  I like gender roles, and I know some of you defy them in any way you can.  But when it comes down to it, you DO have a gender and I think it’s nice when it’s recognized.

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2012 in Daily Happenings

 

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Retro Ads, Courtesy of Tom!

I’m lucky grateful that my coworkers–or anyone for that matter–read my blog.  My friend Tom found a gold mine database of retro ads that just make my little ole heart flutter.

Here are a few of my favorites (all courtesy of the AdAccess archive at Duke University):

Truth is, ya’ll, I’m busy today, but I thought you’d enjoy seeing this!

 
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Posted by on January 24, 2012 in Daily Happenings, Domesticity

 

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Deal Breakers: The Final Round-Up

So, I have a list of deal breakers that don’t really deserve a whole post of their own, so here are the final remaining deal breakers:

  • Tighty Whities
  • Being a manwhore
  • Inability to trust (this could have been turned into a post–albeit a preachy one)
  • Thinking that your sister is the best woman to ever walk the planet
  • Drinking yourself silly on a regular basis
  • Spending money carelessly
  • Telling ME how to spend my money (until we’re married–then it’s OUR money)
  • Being a pothead

That’s what I’ve got for now.

Tomorrow, I will entertain you far more than I did today.  But seriously guys, what are your deal breakers?

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2012 in The Book of Love

 

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Deal Breaker # 5: Momma’s Boys and Their Overbearing Moms

Disclaimer:  I’ve dated some boys whose mothers were/are amazing (Momma O. and Mike’s momma Terry are among them!).  So if I’ve dated your son and you’re reading this blog, I’m not necessarily talking about you…but I could be.  And if I’ve dated YOU and you’re reading this, and you’re upset that I talked about your mom, QUIT BEING SUCH A MOMMA’S BOY!

I’m a firm believer that when you date or marry an individual, you are also dating/marrying the family (unless they are completely estranged from them).

And I don’t know how I do it, but I’ve found a lot (read:  A LOT) of momma’s boys…boys who care more about what their mother thinks than anything else, and mothers who can’t get the picture to get out of their sons’ lives.

Let me give you some examples of overbearing mothers (all different) I’ve encountered:

  • Going so far as to yell at me for fighting with her son
  • Telling me that the only way her boy would marry me is if I got knocked up
  • Stalking me on Facebook because I hurt her boy’s feelings
  • Complaining that her boy spent too much money on my birthday gift
  • Telling me that I’d never be as important to him as his car
  • Bitching at me for not cooking her son a birthday cake–“How was I ever going to take care of him?”
  • Yelling at me for not giving her any time to be alone with her son
  • Glaring at me in line at the local Wal-mart long after her son and I broke up (this is lots of moms)
  • Trying to get me to take lingerie on my vacation with her son and telling me that if he’s as good a lay as his father, I ought to consider myself lucky

Yeah.  PUKE.

And boys caring more about what their momma thinks?  ANNOYING.  I blame the mothers.  Just because they can’t let go doesn’t mean that they ought to be sabotaging their sons’ relationships or still trying to control them.

So if you encounter a momma’s boy, save yourself the trouble and RUN.  It’ll be a HUGE deal breaker.

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2012 in The Book of Love

 

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Proposal Planners? Are you farking kidding me?

Well, you get two posts today because I just saw this:  There are proposal planners to to help men pop the question.  This almost makes me as mad as hipster marshmallows.

As if paying out the butt for a wedding planner isn’t bad enough (I’ll attack this some other day), now men are to the point where they can’t even plan their own PROPOSALS?!

I blame a combination of the following:

  • Women have beat men into thinking that nothing short of a trip to Paris will do.
  • Men have become completely unoriginal.
  • And if they need a proposal planner because they can’t think of their own unique proposal, they probably don’t want to marry their lady anyway.
  • Women desire to document every thing that happens to them with a camera (which you can do for free)
  • And men’s complete “bewilderment” of romance.

All said combinations of this are stupid.

Paris is silly.  Men are afraid to be original. And ladies, you do NOT need to pay a photographer or have a proposal planner there to document your proposal!  If your man can’t ask one of his friends or your friends to hang slyly by and snap pictures while he pops the question, then he’s an idiot.

And I don’t care if men are bewildered by romance and don’t understand it.  Women don’t need you to act like the men in romance novels–all that matters is that you put a little thought into it.  If Mike proposed to me over a McDonald’s coffee (which is how we first started hanging out) or on a swing set (where we go to feel like kids again) or one of the places where we met in the middle when I was in NC and he was in PA, well hell.  I’d be happy with that.

Ladies, if you said yes to a planned proposal (which cost between $500 and $1200), let me know so I can come there and give you a mohawk before your wedding.  Think about this–that money could have gone toward your engagement ring, your honeymoon, or starting your new life together.

Despicable.

 
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Posted by on January 17, 2012 in The Book of Love

 

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Deal Breaker # 4: Being Unable to Do What It Takes

Don’t worry–this isn’t a sexy blog (although you’d probably like it more if it was).

It is a pretty vague concept though.  Being unable to do what it takes.  In what, you ask?  Anything that matters.

I want someone who I know that I can rely on in any aspect.  If money was short, I’d expect my man (along with myself) to go out and find a better means of income, or at least supplementary income.  If the water heater breaks, I want him to either fix it or call someone who can.  And if my family needs him, I want him to step up.

And if all hell is breaking loose on the emotional front and the man checks out–deal breaker.  I mean, I got upset when I saw that I have a pen mark on my new Michael Kors purse, and when my internet was down the other day.  Lord–it could be anything.  But Mike does everything in his power to make me feel better, and I think that’s a real man.

I guess it seems to me that if you’re really dedicated and committed to someone, you step up and do whatever it takes to make that person’s life run easier.  And in a good relationship, you’re both doing that for each other.  It’s like Brad Paisley said, “You look at her and you finally start to live for some one else / And then you find yourself / That’s when you find yourself.”

 
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Posted by on January 17, 2012 in The Book of Love

 

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Deal Breaker # 3: Loving Cars More Than You Love Me

Check out Deal Breaker # 1 and Deal Breaker # 2.

Pretty specific, huh?

I guess it could be summed up to loving any material thing more than you love me, and in turn putting it ahead of me and treating it better than me.

Spiteful?  Not so much anymore.  This is mild.

Story time!  So in one of my relationships, I competed with cars, trucks, dune buggies–pretty much anything with a motor.  One time, we were going to the sprint car races early to reserve seats later that night.  We parked the buggy and I undid my seatbelt.  There were a lot of people around from out of town that I didn’t know–rough looking characters–and I didn’t want to stay out there by myself.  As I pulled myself out of the buggy, he gave me a look.

“What?” I asked.

“Aren’t you going to stay here to guard the buggy?” he asked like it was common sense.

“Oh.”  And because I was dumb and in love, I said, “Sure.”

Unfortunately, it wasn't an equilateral triangle...

I played second fiddle to anything with a motor for about two years.  But I think 2 years was enough–the deal broke.  I won’t come second fiddle anymore (in serious relationships).  I love when guys have an interest.  I mean, I went to countless races, car shows, and spent more time in a garage watching him work on cars than I can remember, and the truth was that it was okay because I knew it made him happy.

It was only when he started using his desire to buy more things with engines as a buffer to keep me at bay from a future that it was time to go.

 
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Posted by on January 13, 2012 in The Book of Love

 

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Deal Breaker # 2: Not Wanting Kids

Read Deal Breaker # 1!

I respect men who don’t want to have kids…but I certainly don’t want to date them.

If you ask me, the whole point of living is to leave a legacy, and what better way to do that than to have children.  Whether they’re biological, adopted, whatever–if you can be a part of a child’s life as they grow up, you can leave a legacy.

Most of you know that I have a condition called Glowing Ovaries.  Luckily, I don’t have to wear thick shirts or extra jackets to hide the two glowing orbs in my midsection, but oh do I feel the glow.  Mostly every time I hold a baby, get near a baby, hear about a baby, see a PICTURE of a baby.  Ugh.  It’s sick, isn’t it?

I want kids so bad.  I look forward to pregnancy.  I just think that the most rewarding thing in the world would be to have children, to make memories for them, to give them something to tell their kids about.

For instance, when it was my birthday, my mom would wake my little brother and my dad and they would sneak into my room while I was still sleeping and decorate it with streamers and balloons and put all my presents on the floor around me bed.  When I woke up, I was surrounded by color and fun and the sheer glee that is having a kid birthday.  We did the same for my brother, probably both of us, every year until we were ten.  I LOVE that.

Streamers

Think this...but much less organized and much more color.

So I guess that won’t be nearly as fun without a man who wants to do that…much less a man who doesn’t want to give me kids.

Oh, and this post wouldn’t be about kids without at least one adorable baby picture:

Baby

Ha ha!

 
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Posted by on January 12, 2012 in The Book of Love

 

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Deal Breakers – The Intro and #1

When you’re dating or looking for that one you’re going to love forever, there are certain deal breakers.  With friends, not so much.  I think it’s fun to have a wide variety of friends.  But lovers…well.  Having been in 4 long-term relationships (all between 16 and 34 months), I’ve encountered my share of deal breakers.  So I thought I’d share those over the next few days.

#1  Not Believing in God

I’ve been with one man who didn’t believe in God.  It was awful.  I’m Catholic, and I’m not one of those uber-devout ones.  I go through periods of being an every-weeker to a CEC–a Christmas-Easter Catholic, but that doesn’t stop the believing.

I used to worry about finding another Catholic, but it turns out that it’s not that easy.  It turns out that I really don’t care about the denomination of the man that I love, but rather I just care that he believes in God.  So at 19 when I was dating a man who I had actually gone to Sacred Heart (a Catholic elementary school) with and he decided that he didn’t believe in God, I was lost.

After every evening I spent with him, I cried myself to sleep hoping that someday he’d find something to believe in.

We ended up breaking up–not based on this deal breaker alone.  Years later, I heard that as he stood by his grandfather’s deathbed, listened to him talk to God, and watched him slip away that he walked away a believer.

I’m happy for him.

 
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Posted by on January 11, 2012 in The Book of Love

 

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