Hello BABY! (What They Don’t Tell You)

Hi everyone! It’s been a (LONG LONG LONG) while. Sorry about that. What they tell you, but you still fail to realize, is how little time you have to yourself after your little one is born.

So, I’d like to introduce you to Rhett Calhoun Baker (pictures below). He was born on 11/11 (and the little bugger barely made that date – only by 10 seconds or so!) and truly is a joy. I went into labor on 11/10 at 9pm. I got up the next morning, worked until 12:15, came home, cleaned my house, went to the hospital around 4:30, and he was born at 11:59:50pm. That is the short version – details will warrant a phone call or email from you.

You do forget the pain as soon as the baby is out. They put Rhett on my chest and I was in love. But that love doesn’t stop you from feeling the stitches if they don’t numb you afterwards. Bye bye immediate joy! It’s true – stitching does kind of take away from your initial euphoria.

We’ve had a wonderful time with him so far, and it’s been full of joy and love and smiles. But there are some things they don’t tell you, and that’s what this post is for.

What I wish I had known:

1)  Children will make your ability to worry multiply by 109837849278398759823X. I thought I was bad before. It’s a whole new level now.  For instance, my boy just was diagnosed with Influenza Type A at two months old. You want to talk worry? See how this makes you feel. You will never worry more in your life – when it’s this bad, and when it’s something as mild as, “Should my kid have this many damn boogers?”  This is a pic of Rhett at the emergency room before they told us he had the flu. Watch them stick your baby with needles and give him an IV and tell me that you’ve ever worried more than that.

2)  Kids get blocked tear ducts and gunky eyes are nasty.

3)  They will pee/poop/spit up on you more than you ever realized.

4)  About a week after the stump from the umbilical cord comes off, there’s a chance your baby’s belly button will ooze, and you will think all his intestines are going to come out. Don’t worry. This is normal.

5)  You will be obsessed with his poop.  I applaud every time he goes and worry (See #1) when he doesn’t.

6)  You will become morbid and assume everything is the worst case scenario. See #1. Also, this may begin during pregnancy.

7)  DO NOT feel bad if you do not/cannot breastfeed. My son was tongue tied and has an overbite. Not ideal and will leave you with bloody nipples. Sorry, all.

8)  Being tongue tied can be fixed. Baby Rhett got his tongue snipped and was fine.

9)  Postpartum feelings are real. I was skeptical, until I began bawling to Mike one day that it wasn’t fair that Rhett was going to have to watch us die…in like 70 years.

10)  You will fear the state of the world and wonder why you brought a being into it.

11)  You will get super protective…even if it’s your own family. You’ll make up code words to get your baby back in your arms. 🙂

12)  You’ll mess up. They’ll live.

13)  You’ll cry. This will never end.

14)  Infant farts are lethal. They will take your breath away.

15)  I didn’t sleep for the first three days we had Rhett home because I was convinced that if I fell asleep, he would quit breathing. Don’t worry. They will continue breathing.

There is more. There will always be more. You will not sleep. You will quit caring about hair and makeup. You will pray that your husband still finds you attractive even though you don’t have the time or energy to try. It will be okay.