The Male Condition – A Complete Misunderstanding of All Things Wedding

Hey Ya’ll.

No, I’m not engaged yet, but since everyone around me is getting married, there are a lot of fun conversations happening.  And because by the end of December, I’ll have gone to at least 7 weddings (I lost count), the conversations are a-plenty.  They all have a common theme, too…  I’m realizing that most men know nothing about wedding things.

I’m sure this is on purpose, or at least understandable based on the fact that most men don’t moon over weddings like us women do.

For instance, my Mike didn’t realize that there were two rings involved for the women–an engagement ring and a wedding band.

And someone recently said that their boyfriend thought the engagement ring was just a band, and the ring at the wedding was the more ornate one.  NO!

Ha ha…  so I’m giving the links of all my engagement/wedding etiquette here as a recap.  Call it a resource page for your men:

Engagement Rings

Proposals and Etiquette for Men and Women (don’t get a proposal planner!)

How to be realistic (this is more for the women) about proposals

Wedding Showers

Remember that time I met David Tutera?

That is all!  Any other confusion?  Ask me.

 

 

Realistic Engagement Expectations

Ladies, first, we do not live in the movies.  Second, we are not Kardashians (thank God).  So there’s absolutely NO reason that we should expect to get 14 carat diamonds.  I mean, they’re very welcome if we can find a guy that can give them to us, but in reality, we shouldn’t expect them.

Here’s the thing.  I’d never expect that $16,000.00 diamond from Mike.  EVER.  While I do think that today’s standards are way higher than the used to be when it comes to women expecting things out of their engagement rings, I don’t think we ought to go over the top.

All I know is that I want a ring that I will be proud to wear for the rest of my life.

And another thing…maybe some of the married guys can speak for this.  Are you really going to buy a diamond from a super-pushy sales guy?  Seriously.  When Mike and I were in there (completely unromantically minus the fact that Mike put up with the first shopping day after Christmas crowd for me) to get links taken out of my watch, and this bonehead wanted our entire life story and he yelled at Mike for not proposing yet.

1)  Not his business.

2)  Guilt doesn’t work on guys.  It just makes them uncomfortable.

Am I wrong to think this way?  I just assume that if a guy feels the stress already of picking out an engagement ring that the stress of a pushy sales douche isn’t going to help.

 

$16,000 Diamonds and a Pushy Sales Dude

Well, Christmas is over.  Back to work.

Mike and I had a great weekend.  See?  (In my hand is the last glass of the entire bottle of wine that I consumed…and did not get a hangover because of my drinking practice.)

It was so good to be home and to see my family and some of my friends.  I’l post pictures of my loot once I take pictures of it all on my new camera!!!!

I love it so much!  Mike got it for me, and he also got me the bunny that I wanted.  MY BUNNY!  Because I call Mike “My Bunny” sometimes.  (Sorry, Bunny, outed our secret!)

My mom even surprised me with a few things, including a Kenneth Cole Reaction watch, a Michael Kors keychain, and Parenthood seasons 1 & 2!

Where are the $16,000 diamonds, you ask?  Right here.  Mike and I made the mistake of stopping at the mall to get links taken out of my watch on the way home Sunday.  It was PACKED.  We finally found a place to take the links out of my watch and while the guy was doing that, Mike let me play with diamonds.  I had a 1.51 carat $16,000 solitaire diamond ring on my hand!

Sure, it’d be nice to have that, but who the hell can afford it?  I would never expect Mike to get me that.  But I think that theory is for tomorrow’s post.

But the guy was so pushy and so obnoxious that we had to leave.  I think I’ll cover that tomorrow, too.

Cheers, everyone!  Now GET BACK TO WORK!

 

Engagement Etiquette: Proposing

Proposals.  Am I right?  Well, I’ve already talked about getting to that proposal point, and buying the ring.  So what about the actual proposal?

Let’s do bullets today:

• As I said, ask her father.
• Make the proposal characteristic to your relationship (thanks, Erica!)
• Don’t give it away!  Keep it a secret.  Even the most nosey women will appreciate the surprise.
• (From Erica)  Make it a night to remember for her and for you. This proposal is the leading up to a lifetime of marriage. This is what you will tell your kids, your grandkids, your friends, your parents. You want it to be good and you want to be able to look back on it 30 years down the road and say “man I loved you then and I would do it all over again, the same way…”

That’s #1.  Make it memorable.  There’s really no way to screw this up if you’re thinking about it with her in mind.  And don’t be afraid if you’re nervous.  She’ll just think it’s cute.

Honestly, I’m very busy.  And I think you’re all getting a little tuckered out on this marriage thing.  So I’ll do something saucy tomorrow.  Any suggestions?

 

Engagement Etiquette: The Ring

The Ring.  THE ring.  THE RING!  This is a pretty darn important part of the whole engagement thing that I started discussing yesterday.  Trust me.  How important?  Well, not to scare you guys, but pretty damn important.  And just to be clear early on (I’ve found a few men who didn’t know this) you have to buy TWO rings, guys.  The engagement ring is the one with the big stone (the one that really matters) and the wedding band is the one you give her at the wedding.  So start saving.

First things first.  Surprise, or no surprise?

1)  If you’re going the surprise route. You don’t NEED to know her ring size, although there are plenty of sneaky ways to figure that out (watch her try on fashion rings in a jewelry store, have all her fingers measured just because, ring that does fit that finger and then take it to the jeweler so they can tell you what size it is).  You can give her a ring that doesn’t necessarily fit and she can have it resized after the proposal.  Most insurance policies on rings allow for lifetime resizing, so it’ll be included in the price.  AND YES, YOU DO NEED THE INSURANCE.

2)  If you’re not going the surprise route, you can ask her for her ring size.  And about all of the stuff below.  No big deal.

Ring Style

There are a few ways you can determine your lady’s ring style.  First, just look at the jewelry she already owns.  You’ll want to pay attention to the following trends:

Metal:  Is it consistently yellow gold?  White gold?  Platinum?  PAY ATTENTION!

Jewel cut:  Most women are drawn to a certain shape of a diamond.  There are round ones, square ones (Princess cut) and a whole slew of other shapes.  If you see one showing up more than others, chances are that it’s her favorite.

General Trends:  Are the stones held up by prongs?  Or set into the metal?  Does she have bold jewelry with one-3 stones?  Or does she like ornate jewelry with many little stones complimenting the main stone?  Are there more small stones?  Or does she like big flashy rocks?  You’ll notice things that you’ll see repeated in a jewelry store.  Promise.

The 4 C’s (or 5…or 6)

Generally, there are 4 C’s you should pay attention to in diamond buying. Cut, Carat, Color, and Clarity.  But there are also two other C’s:  Certification and Cost.

Ready for this?

Courtesy of Blue Nile

Cut:  We’ve already gone over this. See above picture in terms of shape.  But there’s also another version of cut.  The way the diamond is cut determines the amount of light that goes through it, and in turn, the amount of sparkle.

Carat:  Contrary to what men want to think, THIS IS IMPORTANT.  I know many women who don’t care about diamond size.  You could give them a rubber band and they’d be happy.  But this is something they’re going to have to wear the rest of their lives (if you do it right) and something that everyone is going to look at.  You’ll want to be proud of the ring you buy.

This also has an effect on the type of ring you’re buying.  If your lady likes more than one stone, then chances are the stones will be smaller.  If she wants one stone (a solitaire), you’ll probably end up buying a bigger stone as it is the only focus of the ring.  Ask her if size is important (wink wink) and see what she says.  It’s also about what will look good on her hand.

Courtesy of Blue Nile

Color:  Yes, diamonds do have colors.  And I’m not talking about brown or black diamonds.  I’m talking about white diamonds.  They’re graded on a scale of D-Z.  The closer to the beginning of the alphabet, the less color they have and the more valuable they are.

Clarity:  This is insanely important.  Diamonds are rocks.  It’s important to remember that.  And not all diamonds are completely clear inside.  So it’s important to look at the grade of a diamond.  Here’s another chart.

Courtesy of Blue Nile

FL, IF – Flawless, Internally Flawless: No internal or external imperfections. Internally Flawless: No internal imperfections. Very rare.

VVS1, VVS2 – Very, Very Slightly Included: Very difficult to see imperfections under 10x magnification. An excellent quality diamond.

VS1, VS2 – Very Slightly Included: Imperfections are not typically visible to the unaided eye. Less expensive than the VVS1 or VVS2 grades.

SI1, SI2 – Slightly Included: Imperfections are visible under 10x magnification, and may be visible with the unaided eye. A good diamond value.

I1, I2, I3 – Included: Blue Nile does not carry diamonds of I-grade clarity.

Certification:  According to the DiamondChatForum.com, “A Diamond Certificate can be defined as a statement, issued by an independent Gemological Laboratory, that at the time of evaluation, the Diamond in question has been examined by experienced Diamond Graders, using various gemological instruments, and determined to contain the characteristics as stated in the Certificate. While discussing the various elements contained in the certificate, it is important to state which gemological instruments were used to evaluate the specific diamonds under discussion. Evaluation of a diamond is important because minute, microscopic inclusions, of a Diamond can have a major influence on the price. ”  Your call on this one.

Cost:  This is probably the one that matters most to you men.  The better the quality, the more the cost.  It’s important to think about what’s most important to you and your future wife.  If it’s the size of the diamond, you may compromise the color and clarity.  If it’s the value of the diamond, you may compromise size.  That’s your call, too.  🙂

In the end, don’t be a cheap ass.  She is going to dedicate her life to you.  Show her you love her by giving her something she loves.

IMPORTANT:  Ladies, considering that in giving an engagement ring, men give us a pretty pricey gift, I think it is our DUTY to buy them a hella nice wedding present.  Think big screen TV, or weight bench.  Or a gun safe.  🙂  You can keep your fancy ring in there.

Tomorrow, PROPOSALS!