And Then They Smile…

Here’s another thing I’ve learned about having a baby. When things get really hard (you’re having to wake every hour and a half to force feed your baby medicine, and then to force feed him real food because you’re afraid he’ll get dehydrated, and dealing with scary side effects from the medicine and so on and so on), you sometimes wonder if you’re strong enough to handle it.

And I felt so guilty feeling that way until I talked to other moms. If you know me at all, you know I think of myself as kind of a hard ass. Even in childbirth, I refused to get too scared or to act too hurt. But I felt helpless and weak this whole past week. I broke down multiple times in Mike’s arms and said, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

And then I thought about all the people who have it worse than I do. I thought about the challenges that parents face that are so much bigger than mine. But at the same time, any time there’s something wrong, no matter how big or how small, it’s always 200 times worse when it’s your child. It puts a lot of stuff into perspective. Let’s just say that.

All the weakness melts away, however, when your baby finally climbs out of the flu cloud to give you one of these:

 

 

Ovaries Beyond Glowing–Now In Nuclear Meltdown

Uh…as I sit here with my tongue hanging out of my head and panting, I can think only to show you these:

All photos courtesy of Buzzfeed.  Click to see more!

 

So I promised pictures…

And here they are!  If I’m in the grey dress, it’s the wedding.  Blue sweater, bachelorette party, anything else, 3 year anniversary.

A Baby for Good Measure

 

Babies, Civil Wars, and Red Rainbows

On Friday, I got to go home.  Going home feels like a privilege anymore.  I like that…and I wish it could happen more often.  In going home, I got to play with baby Jax and see my cousin Heather.  There is nothing like having a baby fall asleep in your arms.  Nothing.  Then my mom took Mike and I to Applebee’s and then came home in time for Dad to get off work and celebrate his birthday.

On Saturday, it was dreary, so I lifted in the basement with Mike instead of going for a run.  I’m feeling it today.  I can hardly walk.  I also found a list of old potential baby names from 2004 in an old journal.  I take comfort in knowing that I tried to incorporate my then-current boyfriend’s name into the names of my boys.  Yeah, that was nice of me.  Ha ha!

Rutherford B. Hayes House

Then I went old school.  My cousin Meghan, Mike, and I went to Spiegel Grove to tour Rutherford B. Hayes’ home and to watch a Civl War reenactment.  I hadn’t been in the Hayes house since an elementary school field trip, and it was crazy to look at the place he lived again.  I remembered certain things, and others were really great surprises.  No photography allowed…so I can’t show you any of it.  But it is GLORIOUS.  I found a picture of the outside of the house from the south side.  The front porch is to the right, the second chimney from the left is Hayes’ bedroom.  It really is a beautiful home.

You really don’t take advantage of some of the things in your very own hometown.  I think I might have to take that tour again.  We didn’t go to the museum, but that just gives us something to do another time.

Then we watched the Civil War reenactment put on twice a year at Spiegel Grove.  This one was commemorating Hayes’ birthday (October 4th, 1822).  I don’t really understand war reenactments.  So I’m interested to see if any of you have anything to say about it other than the cannons are cool.

Saturday night, I drank a bottle of wine and rented two chick flicks with Mike.  I then proceeded to wrestle him.  I won.  It’s my story.

Sunday, we helped Mom and Dad close the pool, watched football, and fell asleep a lot.  We drove home the back way and in the midst of the dreary skies, God gave us a beautiful sunset that hit every direction of the sky, shooting a red rainbow up into the heavens.

 

More Baby Dreams…

Last night, I had a dream that I found out I was pregnant.

Again with these pregnancy dreams!  But the baby did not belong to Justin Bieber or to Jack Hannahan this time.  This time, it was Mike’s.

In my dream, we were not married, but we were living in the same place.  I went to the doctor and came back afraid to tell Mike I was pregnant.  When I told him, he got really excited and hugged me.  Then we went to tell my parents (who were less than thrilled that we weren’t married) but we told them that we were going to get married and then everything seemed okay.

When I woke up, I was still as shocked in my conscious state as I was in my unconscious state that Mike was excited.

It was all just very weird.

Perhaps this is because I filmed a video with nine kids for work last night.  And maybe it’s because the last episode of Melissa & Joey (yes, I watch it) involved Joe thinking he knocked up his ex-wife.

Or maybe it’s just high time I have kids.

 

I Dream of Bieber

O.o

Alright dream interpreters, I need you again.  Carmen?  Where are you?

I fell asleep last night.  In the middle of the night, I dreamt of Bieber.

Wha?

It was not a dirty dream.  Rather, it was a dream that just felt weird.  I met Bieber, but it wasn’t like I was 20 years older than him (like I feel now).  Bieber and I flirted for a hot minute.  Then all of the sudden I was in his backyard watching the Cleveland Indians play baseball.  Up close. 🙂

And then I was holding a baby.  Cutest baby in the world.  And she was mine!  A fuzzy little purple onesie and a cute little nose nuzzled in my neck, and she fell asleep on me.  And then there was a little baby boy, and darnit was he cute, too.

It was a very calming and happy feeling…as long as the babies didn’t belong to Bieber.  Although…then I wouldn’t have to worry about starting college funds.