There are certain times when I’m just going about my life being a stupid 28 year old when I think, “I want something, but I don’t know what.”
This could be something as simple wanting something salty or something sweet. Wanting a drink–alcoholic or non. And most of the time I talk myself out of it because I don’t know what I want, and then I just end up sitting on the couch with a furrowed brow watching repeats of Roseanne or Parenthood and wondering why they always seem to know what they want.
Other times, it’s bigger–like wanting desperately to be doing something outside. And while there’s plenty that I could go outside and do, I can’t pick an activity and end up just sitting in a lawn chair and thinking, “My ass is getting bigger just sitting here. I should run. But my knee is bruised. What kind of excuse is that, Erica? Fuck it.” Commence brow furrow.
Don’t get me wrong–I’m incredibly happy. I have nothing to complain about. I’m just being cranky. 🙂
But lately, the thing that gets me most is music. I can’t figure out what the eff kind of music I want to listen to anymore. It’s the worst when I’m at work or driving in the car. I think I’ve talked about this before. Yep, I have. Here it is. But anyway, in high school, I listened to 80s rock. Done. All the time. Nonstop. Bon Jovi. College, I got my twang on and listened to nothing but country…and occasionally the pop station so I could sing with my girls in the showers at Ashland.
In grad school, I listened to whatever mix CD Mike gave me last because I was clinging to something I couldn’t touch at that moment. Now, I can’t get myself in the mood to listen to anything.
It’s only fun to listen to NSync and the Backstreet Boys with my roommate from Ashland–KAY! Mike has pointed out how cheesy 80s rock is, and while I still enjoy it–I’m starting to agree with him. So then I need to find something that’s fast enough to make me happy and keep me going at work or while I’m driving, something with some substance. And I have to understand what the heck words they’re saying.
It’s just been a really long time since the music has moved me.